no way out
by Little Obsessions
Summary: C&J. this is a what happened in the past story and there's a very nasty rupert to be hated, ENJOY! this has naughty language, so if you don't like.... It's FINISHED, woohhoooo! Please enjoy it and thanks to all you wonderful people for your encouragement
1. Default Chapter

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Ok, so you know I like to use artistic licence with age! What do you think , please R&R, we're going to meet a very nasty Rupert._

Clarisse sat down on the blanket on the deserted beach, it was an unusually hot summer and she had been enjoying every moment. Philippe and Pierre were playing with Joseph in the sea, splashing about and frolicking in the water. They were so full of life, so un-like Rupert's children. She sighed, but they were. Their marriage was literally plummeting down hill. She had been married nearly all her life, well since she was 15. One year of marriage and she was pregnant not out of the love she had hoped would grow, but out of duty. A duty she couldn't forget, a duty to Genovia.

A dripping wet, 10 year old Philippe broke her chain of thought. He smiled a toothy grin and sat down beside her. He looked very much like her. He had the same blue eyes, the same dirty blonde hair.

"hey, mama", he grinned, placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"mmm,", she laughed, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand, " hello angel".

"can you come and play in the water?", he questioned, begging her with his puppy dog eyes.

"No, darling", she laughed, ticking his side a little.

"oh but Mama!", he moaned, leaning on her, " Pleeeeasse".

"no", she said a little sternly.

"fine but Mama, you don't know what you're missing", he said, standing up and adjusting his swimming shorts ran back to the shore and jumped on josephs neck.

She watched her body guard wrestle her son off lovingly and throw him in the water. Her body guard, he was so much more than that. He was Joseph, her dearest friend and proverbial father to her sons.

A dear friend who was getting far too close, they were becoming dangerously appealing to each other. They were finding time to be alone together, needlessly. They were flirting mercilessly and she was enjoying every moment. He was so alluring and she wasn't going to deny she knew how to work her charms, but there was so much more than that.

He understood her, he knew how she felt about everything he…… she found it so hard to admit - he loved her and god help her, she loved him back.

She had seen the looks, she had felt the electricity any time they touched, she had read his diary. What had possessed she really didn't know. It had just been sitting there and she had lifted it. It pretty much contained exactly what hers did- sole thoughts about him telling her how he felt. If only he could read hers.

She tore herself away from damaging thoughts and from staring at him, but he had caught her. He waved and smiled, she returned it and tried to concentrate on her book. Thoughts like she was having would never do for a queen.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The sun was setting as they packed up. Clarisse handed a groaning Pierre the pick nick basket.

"oh don't groan my darling, you'll grow muscles if you carry it", she charmed, picking up her hand bag.

"what like Joe's?", he smiled, flexing his arms. Joe's laugh resounded round the beach.

" I think, from Joseph's reaction to that", she laughed, frowning at her Body guard, " you'll have to do as many laps as he does in the pool a day".

"yes, I think your mother's right, Pierre", he smiled, doing up his shirt buttons.

"but it wouldn't do any harm to try", Pierre said, a little disheartened.

"ohhhh, come on Mama!", Philippe moaned suddenly, " I'm soo hungry, I could eat a horse", he chattered through the little teeth he had. He was dancing from foot to foot and pulling his gigantic towel tighter round him.

"Oh stop your winging", she laughed, making her way up the uneven path with Joseph behind her. Suddenly she lost her footing and Joseph caught her just in time. His hands were on her back as he saved her just before she hit the uneven ground.

He felt his chest tighten as he grabbed her, his breath caught in his throat and suddenly the only two people in the world was the two of them. Her eyes were sparkling with something he'd never seen before, love?

"I-", he tried, his heart beating considerably.

"thank you", she muttered, turning her face away.

He wasn't sure what to do. He could feel his face turning red and he was sure he could hear his heart thumping.

Clarisse could feel her body heating up, she could feel his hands gently rub her back. This was not good or right, but she felt as if it was. Her heart was racing and she couldn't help but look into his eyes. What she seen frightened her, not in a bad way- just that what was in his eyes were a reflection of her own. She tried to pull away but she could muster little energy or maybe she just didn't want to.

"I'm ok now", she whispered, remembering her two children were watching them intently. He let her go immediately, composing himself. He noticed how flushed she looked, it might have been only 10 second but for him, it had felt like eternity.

"Mama, Mama!", Pierre exclaimed, unaware of what had just happened.

"yes?", she questioned, still coming down from what had just taken place between her and Joseph. She knew what had happened, they had both completely admitted themselves without even meaning to.

"can we got to the diner on the way back? It wont be busy, no one will be there!", he continued. Clarisse shook her head, it was too much publicity too attract.

"oh but Mama!", Philippe joined in.

"I said no", she smiled. Joseph opened the car door for her. Usually she would smile her thanks but she couldn't bring her self too look at him never mind smile at him.

"Mama!", Pierre moaned. She turned too look at him, putting on her best motherly glare. They both receded, giving up.

"perhaps", Joseph suddenly growled in her ear, making her shiver, " we could go, after all I am her to watch you."

Clarisse knew they'd be braking the rules, they were already braking the rules anyway. Two royal heirs and the queen travelling in one car. Biggest rule in the book broken, she refused too split her children up and anyways, she trusted Josephs driving. She trusted Joseph and everything he said and done.

"well ok then", she caved, " but I want not one word of this to your father", she said hand on hip, pointing a loving finger at them.

They both nodded like a double act, huge grins spreading across there childish features. This was what they loved about their mother, the fact she let them be normal once in a while.

"we wont tell Rupert", Pierre said bitterly, climbing into the car. For a 12 year old, he was pretty mature and intuitive. He had already figured out his parents relationship a long time ago- he had even seen his father with his many mistresses. He knew they practically hated each-other, they weren't even friends.

Clarisse frowned at him.

"he is your father, and you will address him as such, Pierre Renaldi", she scorned, looking at Joseph for the first time. He avoided her, knowing all to well how horrid Rupert was to her.

"yes, Maybe he should act like my father then", the young boy continued coldly and pulling out his book from his rucksack, buried his head in it.

"Joe?", Philippe questioned, pulling Joe from his thoughts.

"yes?", Joe answered, opening the front of the car and sitting in the driver seat.

"can I drive up front with you?", he smiled.

"yes", Joseph laughed, " if that's ok with your mother". Joseph watched Clarisse make her way to the edge of the cliff, looking down to the beach. She was hugging herself from the cold, looking terribly vulnerable and upset- obviously Pierre's comment had struck a very raw nerve. She still looked beautiful. Her sun hat propped on her head and her long skirt blowing about in the wind.

"your Majesty", he whispered. Closing the gap between them. A young Philippe had already settling himself in the passenger seat and slipping on Joseph sun shades. He looked a little like a bug he thought but if Joe looked like a bug, he wanted too as well.

"Oh, Joseph!", she startled, wiping a tear from her face, " I'm sorry, I'm just coming".

"Clarisse…", he tried, putting a hand on her shoulder. He had seen her like this before, her deep sadness crystal clear at certain moments.

"I just need a moment- just a moment", she repeated, to reinforce her point.

"if you need me…", he whispered, clutching her shoulder tighter.

She paused for a moment, registering his deep words.

"I-", she faltered, and then continued weekly, " I do need you".

He nodded his head and continued,

"do you need me just now, or is solitude what you need?", he questioned.

"no what I need is too pretend everything is ok", she replied, full of resolve. She turned too look at him and she smiled gently. They stood looking at each other, everything clear now. Her desperate unhappiness, his desperate want. She cupped his cheek gently, let go instantaneously and brushing past him got in the limo and shut the door.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse opened the door to Pierre's suite. They had went to the diner and had fun. She had pretended to be 'Mama' as always, not showing any hurt. The suite was covered in shelves full of books and maps and pictures. Pierre's self required collection of paintings adorned the walls. She smiled as she noticed him, sitting by the fire with a glass of milk and cookies, head buried in a book about religious symbology and wearing his pyjamas.

"hello, angel", she smiled, making her way across the room and climbing over the train set on the floor.

"hey, Mama", he said, half- heartedly.

," Pierre I need too speak to you", she said directly and sitting down on the chair across from him.

He put his book down by his side and looked at her inquisitively.

"listen to me, my darling. I know how you feel about your father but he is your father and you must respect him", she said gently. Pierre snorted- he'd start respecting his father when his father paid that to his mother.

"please try to - at least once in a while. Do it for your little brother", she almost begged.

"Mama, he's nasty to you. Why should I respect him, I have more loyalty to you than I do to that-", he stopped, frightened to say something that would make her angry. She looked at him and studied his features, a mirror image of his father but his personality took a completely different path.

His fierce loyalty to her was unwavering, so much so she was sometimes frightened of the things he'd say or think of Rupert. She loved both her children so much. They say a mother always has a special spot in her heart for her oldest and youngest, she was lucky to have an oldest and youngest with no-one in between.

"I don't want you to ever give up what you believe but sometimes we must do things we do not want to for the sake of others, that is all I'm asking of you", she smiled, standing up and kissing his forehead, " but don't ever change what you believe".

" I wont Mama", he smiled, returning to his book.

" I know, Pierre".

_Hope you liked, please R&R._

_Yours,_

_M_


	2. chapter 2

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. _

The thunder was rumbling around the sky and the lightening was making large forks through the dark clouds along with the torrential rain. Clarisse sat propped up against the pillows in her bed catching up on the much neglected paper work. If only she could concentrate on it and not think about Joseph. She tried so hard not to think about him, about him holding her like that but she couldn't help it.

She had just begun reading a plight for clemency when her bedroom door burst open and Philippe came bounding in. he looked frightened, clutching his teddy and wearing his pyjamas.

"hey monster", she laughed, looking up from her paper work, " did the storm frighten you?", she smiled putting down the paper work on the bed side table. He nodded profusely and jumped as another rumble of thunder reverberated round the palace. She got out of bed and walking towards him, bending down to his level.

"you want to snuggle up with me?", she questioned, pulling him into a tight hug. He nodded and his chin dug into her shoulder. She lifted him up and he wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her chest.

He was tiny and very light for a 10 year old and he looked dwarfed in her massive bed. He had come early on in the storm this time, usually he'd wait for at least 20 minutes, now she'd wait on Pierre to run in as well. He might think he was a man but he still got scared when there was a storm.

She climbed back in bed and smiled down at her son.

"do you want to play a game?", she questioned, pulling him onto her lap.

"no, can you read me a story?", he questioned, resting his head on her chest.

" I don't think I've got any stories you'd like", she smiled, stroking his hair.

"ok", he yawned, the story becoming less appealing and sleep taking over.

Clarisse watched him drift quickly and lay him down under the covers, he turned and snuggled into her side.

"good night Mama, I love you", he said as Pierre burst in the door. Clarisse looked up.

"let me guess", she teased, " you were coming to see that I was ok", she continued, moving into the middle of the bed and pulling back the covers. He crawled in and snuggled up beside her nodding guiltily.

"goodnight, darlings", she whispered as she switched out the light, " I love you both".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Joseph stopped at the door of her suite as he passed. He couldn't go and speak to her now, it was late anyway. He wanted so desperately to see her, to ask her what she wanted to do tomorrow for the sake of conversation. He shook his head, he wasn't sure if they could keep there emotions in control long enough to be near each other alone. He knew how much she was resisting him and her really did not want to do that to her, to make it harder than it already was. He couldn't be that selfish.

He continued walking lost in his thoughts when he collided roughly with the king. Rupert was tall and strong, much like his father. He had black hair flecked with grey and cold, icy eyes. He was much older than Clarisse, about 15 years Joseph thought.

"your majesty!", Joseph startled, picking the drunk man up.

"Joseph", Rupert spat, his breath hanging with the stale smell of brandy.

"would you like me to help you to your suite, your Majesty?", he questioned.

"No", he grumbled, " I want to see my wife". Joseph was immediately alarmed, he knew Rupert fought with Clarisse when he was drunk. There arguments were always very heated, drunk or not. Clarisse had a good set of lungs on her and she could certainly fight her corner but not when Rupert was drunk - then she was frightened and timid.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Your Majesty", Joseph tried, pulling Rupert in the other direction. Rupert pulled himself from Joseph's grasp roughly and headed towards Clarisse's door quickly. Joseph followed, hoping to god he wouldn't hurt her.

Clarisse sat up as the door of her room was thrown open, she recoiled into herself as Rupert stormed in, wobbling slightly. He staggered over to the bed and pulled back the quilt harshly, exposing his wife and sons to the cold air. Joseph watched from the door, closing his eyes against the anger building up.

Rupert grabbed Clarisse's wrist and yanked her out over the top of a waking Pierre.

"Rupert! Stop!", she begged, as he pulled her into the centre of the room, ranting about how she was useless. Joseph just watched as she stood there, taking his abuse as if it were normal. He looked at the bed, to see a very angry looking Pierre hugging a sobbing Philippe quietly.

Rupert hadn't even registered his sons presence, he didn't really care. Suddenly a massive wave of anger came over him and he drew his hand across her face, slapping her hard. She fell backwards as he stepped back, appalled by what he'd done, he had hit his wife. He backed against the wall and watched Joseph run to her side pulling her close and sobered up immediately, what had he done?

Clarisse clutched her face in agony, it was stinging terribly. Joseph pulled her near and she leaned into him, crying uncontrollably. She looked across the room to Rupert and then towards her children.

"I'm sorry", he muttered, from across the room.

"go", she croaked, mustering all the energy she couldand trying not to fly at him from her position on the floor.

"I-", but she cut him off, iwth a glaring stare.

"I said Go!", she ordered, as he slipped across the wall and out of the door, shutting it behind him.

"Mama", Pierre tried, leaving his little brother and sliding down on the floor to reach his mothers eye level. She looked up. Her eyes were red and bleary and her usually pretty face was red and sore. Lines that he'd never noticed creased her forehead and her lip was swollen.

"Mama", he whispered, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine darling, just got to bed. I want you to take your brother to bed", she whimpered, leaning on Joseph.

"are you sure, mama?", he questioned, taking her hand. She nodded and smiled weakly.

"yes, I'll see you both in the morning, we'll have a nice day", she said, standing up and leaning against Joseph. Philippe jumped out the bed and ran towards his mother, hoping that that hadn't happened.

"Mama, Philippe and I will go now, call me if you need me, Mama", Pierre whispered, taking his brothers hand. Clarisse nodded and wiped her nose on her handkerchief.

"goodnight, mama", Philippe whispered, tugging on her silk- night gown. She looked down through watery eyes and smiled.

"goodnight darlings", she answered, as they made their way to the door. Pierre turned and looked at her, with pleading eyes. He was asking her to leave- to stop letting him hurt her like this. She nodded a smile gently, motioning them to go to bed. They closed the door quietly, leaving Joseph and Clarisse alone.

_Hope you liked, please R&R._

_Yours,_

_M_


	3. chapter 3

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. thank you very much for my reviews._

No sooner had they left than Clarisse broke down, sobbing uncontrollably and clasping her stomach to make the pain stop. She was gripping the back of the chair, eyes squeezed shut. Joseph pulled her up and towards him, she gripped his shoulders tightly and cried harder.

"it's ok", he whispered, rubbing her back and guiding her to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I didn't want them to see that, I never wanted them to see anything like that", she whispered, lifting her head up.

"what do you mean?", he whispered, unsure of what she was trying to tell him and them it hit him, making him feel sick to the stomach.

"He's hurt you before", he stated, more than questioned. She nodded.

"why didn't you tell me, Clarisse? I could have helped", he said, standing up and walking towards the window.

"I-", she faltered, stopping to look at him, " what could I have said? 'oh Joseph if you don't mind the king hit me, could you murder him please'", she questioned, a little annoyed.

"no, you couldn't say that but at least let me help you now", he answered, turning to face her.

"I hate seeing you like this", he continued, " he doesn't deserve you and you certainly do not deserve that!".

"I chose to have this, Joseph. That, I cannot change", she admitted.

"do not lie to me Clarisse, I know you to well. You did not chose this, you were forced and you can choose to leave", he begged, walking towards her and taking her hands. He lifted them to his lips and kissed her fingers. She closed her eyes, feeling his skin against her.

" I cannot leave, I've done this to myself and you must not ask me-", she cried, turning her face away from him.

"ask you what?", he whispered, cupping her cheek and gravitating her eyes towards his. He could feel her soft breath on his face, uneven and ragged. He kissed her lips softly, trembling a little. She pulled back, and smiled. He wiped the tears away from her face and sat down, pulling her close.

She was soon asleep, her head resting on his shoulder, her hands clasped around his waist. He lifted her head lightly and lifted her easily, slipping her under the covers. She stirred a little as he pulled them up to her chin. He'd sleep in the sitting room, just in case Rupert came back.

He made his way quietly to the door when she whispered something, tilting her head up.

"stay with me?", she whispered. He nodded and made his way back to the bed, slipped off his shoes and climbed to her side. She moved nearer him, burying her head in his chest as he wrapped his hand protectively round her back and pulled her impossibly closer. He didn't dare move, this was too much for him to handle.

He watched her fall asleep, her chest rising and falling against his. He closed his eyes, wishing to go this perfect moment had not been born out of such a terrible circumstance.

_Ahhh, what did you think?_

_Please R&R,_

_Yours,_

_M_


	4. chapter 4

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. _

Joseph woke as the early morning sun crept into the suite. It took him a moment to register where he was and what had happened but it soon came back to him brutally. He looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms, she looked so beautiful, so peaceful. He couldn't quite believe he was lying there with her in his arms. He stretched a little to see the clock on her bed side. 6am, she'd be waking soon but he didn't want her to, he wanted her to lie there in his arms forever.

He began to think about the previous evenings events. He couldn't get Pierre's face to disappear from his memory. The pleading look in his eyes, the way Clarisse had just given up. How many times had Rupert done this to her and he hadn't known? What had Pierre seen before last night? Clarisse had given in, he knew that - he'd known that long ago.

Clarisse could feel Josephs arms around her as she began to stir, memories of the night before hitting her with such force, she begged herself to fall back to sleep. Sleep proved elusive, and after what seemed like merely seconds she forced her eyes open and tilted her head up to look at his face.

He stared back, his gaze holding her eyes, his hands making smooth circles on her back.

She reached up and touched his face, running her hand across his cheek, up to his fore head. He closed his eyes, wishing time would stop. She ran her fingers over his closed eyes and down his nose onto his lips. She traced her fingers across them, taking in every inch of his handsome features.

Joseph was pretty much lost. He could feel her tracing every inch of his face, branding him with her marvellous touch- making him hers. She moved up his body, her silk nightdress sliding under his clammy hands and came to his eye level. He smiled gently, opening them. He inched forward and lightly brushed his lips on hers. He pulled away and scrutinized her face. He couldn't read the look on it but he knew she wasn't angry or alarmed, it was more relief he could see.

"how are you?", he whispered, his voice full of concern, " better?" she nodded with a gentle smile and settled her head in the crook of his neck.

Clarisse knew this was wrong but it felt so right. She felt safe in his arms, she felt his immense love radiate into her. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move- she didn't want to.

Joseph moved his hand slightly trembling, up her back and rested it on the back of her neck. She shivered against him, not quite sure what she was feeling. He lifted her head up and smiled at her, then without even realising it he kissed her. She responded immediately, opening her mouth to his kiss. Joseph was shocked by his actions but glad he had at the same time.

He sat her up with him as he kissed her neck. He slipped the straps of her night gown down on her shoulders but stopped halfway. He looked at her face, waiting for her assurance that this was ok. That it was what she wanted. She smiled gently and pulled them down for him, revealing the softest skin he'd ever kissed.

"we shouldn't do this", he whispered, in between kisses.

"it doesn't feel wrong", she said simply, pulling him down to lie on top of her. He complied, lying down and propping himself up on one elbow.

"you're sure this is what you want?", he whispered, kissing her fore head.

"Joseph I-", she faltered, ready to admit something she'd denied herself for years.

"yes?", he questioned, playing with her hair. She swallowed hard and shut her eyes, building herself up mentally.

"I love you", she whispered, her eyes glazy with threatening tears.

"god help me Clarisse, I love you too", he said throatily, his voice smothered with emotion, " and I've wanted to tell you for so long".

"tell me now", she whispered, cupping his cheek.

"I love you", he croaked, his hands sliding along her hip.

" I love you, so much. I want to tell you again and again", she whispered, " and I want this, more than I've ever wanted anything".

_Hi, I know it was short but it had to be done. Soooo, the next one is going to be set years later- when Philippe and Pierre are grown up. Please R&R._

_Yours, _

_M_


	5. chapter 5

_Heheheheh, Pokimon am I that predictable and yeah I was sort of hoping they'd start singing as well, but alas they did not. Thanks for the great reviews._

_Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this one, Rupert is such a bitch! This is set years later, as I said. _

_Oh this mad idea sprung into my head, do you guys not think Maroon 5 wrote "she will be loved" after watching princess diaries or reading all this fan-fic, it's sooooo Clarisse and Joe and I think it'd really suit this story._

Rupert, Clarisse and their two sons sat around the dining table. Clarisse stared down at the food on the plate and moved it around a little. As much as it looked very appetising, she just wasn't up to eating, the atmosphere in the room was making her feel ill.

Pierre threw a wayward glance at his father who literally snarled back. Clarisse watched the way the three of them were acting and her blood boiled, she was just about to snap. Philippe shot a timid glance at his father and Clarisse lost it. She stood up, and throwing down her napkin stormed out the room. Rupert followed her with his eyes and then went back to his plate.

"I'll go and get Mama then, shall I", Pierre said dryly, standing up and throwing his napkin down.

"sit down!", Rupert spat, indicating with his fork. Pierre just stared back, his eyes blazing with anger.

"no, I wont sit down. I'm going after my mama", he answered, making his way to the door.

"come back here, Pierre", Rupert bellowed, his voice carrying down the empty corridor.

"screw you, Rupert", he shouted back, quickening his pace.

Rupert snorted and lifted his wine. Philippe kept his eyes on his father, frightened of what he was going to do.

"what is it, Philippe?", Rupert questioned, banging his fist on the table.

"nothing, father", he mumbled, returning to his plate.

"well bloody finish eating and leave me alone", he said, " and don't go after your mother, she only wants attention- she wants to let your imbecile of a brother join the priest hood. Always about you two. Monarchy second, her two precious children……and Joseph first", he sneered. Philippe winced, he prayed every night he never became like the man before him - never. Joseph was his father, he' known that from day one. He might not be biologically but Joseph had taught him how to be a man, had taught him not to be Rupert.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"mama?", Pierre whispered as he opened the door to her suite.

"hello, darling", she answered weakly, wiping a tear from her cheek and trying to recompose herself.

"Mama, I'm sorry about this but I can't, no I won't be king. I can't be," he said, sitting down beside her on the window seat. She stared out into the sky, her head thumping. She was tired of this, this constant walking on egg-shells in case Rupert got upset. Her children had seen enough to know what he done to her, things he said to her.

"I'm not angry, Pierre. I want you too do what is right for you. I am behind you 100 percent", she smiled, cupping his cheek.

"even if it means he hits you?", he questioned, his green eyes darkening. She turned her face away, tears threatening to fall.

"yes", she swallowed.

"Mama, leave him, Please! Please! I'm begging you, go away and stay. Joe will take you. Go with Joe, go with the man you love!", he pleaded, gripping her hand.

"Pierre, do not ask that of me. I made my bed, I will lie in it, for Genovia", she said, her authority returning.

"and what about you? What about your sanity? And Joe's?", he continued, standing up and rubbing his forehead.

"do not bring Joseph into this", she said, folding her hands in her lap and looking at him sternly. She knew her sons knew about them and she was ashamed as much as they tried to reassure her, she couldn't forgive herself for any of it.

"but that's the problem Mama, Joe's already in this. He fights for you all the time, he'd kill Rupert if he had the chance", Pierre answered.

"stop, please!", she cried, not coping at all. She was shaking violently, the last few weeks taking there toll on her, " I don't need this right now Pierre, especially from you".

"I'm sorry Mama", he sighed, leaning his head on her shoulder, " it's just I don't want this for you, for me…. or for Philippe. He's young Mama and he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know how to fight back, he's going off the rails Mama- he doesn't know how to fight back." she nodded her head, knowing her younger son was slowly becoming indifferent to anything. He never spoke, he didn't make decisions, he was secluded and no-one could bring him out of it.

"don't ask me Pierre, it's no good. Get out of this horrid life, before it's too late", she whispered, tightening her grip on his hand, " and I'll deal with your brother".

"Mama, I can't leave you", he whispered, swallowing a little, " not while he does that to you".

"Pierre, he's done it for years", she said sternly, " I'll be fine".

"Mama!", he pleaded. She held up a hand and he clammed up immediately.

"No more Pierre, no more arguing. Go and I'll deal with it", she whispered, standing up. He nodded, knowing she was giving the last of her energy away for him and stood up ready to leave. She smiled reassuringly, standing up along with him and placed a hand on his cheek.

"My darling Pierre", she smiled, love over filling her eyes, " never, ever give up what you believe".

"I wont Mama, I believe I promised you that a long time ago", he whispered, kissing her forehead. She smiled, a slight glint of hope in her eyes.

Clarisse watched her son leave and sighed. When would he come to torment her, to hurt her- she'd give him an hour. She wouldn't run, she wouldn't hide and she'd certainly not fight back. She'd just stand there and take it and wish she wasn't there. She returned to her paper-work, anything to take her mind off of it.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse opened her eye as the door to her suite was flung open, she realised she'd fallen asleep and she realised Rupert was in the room. Fear immediately filled her and she began to tremble. He stormed over, his face red from the effects of whatever he'd been drinking and pulled her up. She squirmed as he slapped her.

"Bitch!", he shouted, throwing her down onto the couch, " you gave the wretch your blessing, you want him to join the church! How dare you, how dare you go behind my back!".

"he's got the right to be happy, I refuse to put him into your shoes, I do not want him to continue your legacy, I want neither of them to!", she screamed. She could feel her face swelling, her lip dripping with blood.

"what legacy is that?", he spat.

"one which should never be repeated, one of an evil tyrant!", she breathed, her eyes fiery. She watched his reaction, knowing she'd gone too far. Suddenly he lunged forward onto her. She threw herself off the couch in a desperate attempt and made a run for her bedroom. He followed her as she ran, shouting and screaming.

Clarisse tried to hold the door closed but he was far stronger than her and he forced it open easily, throwing her across the room. He moved towards her, his breath heavy and uneven.

Clarisse wasn't sure how she ended up on the bed, her mind too hazy with fear to recall but suddenly he was on top of her, his breath covering her body. She turned away and blacked it out, the pain too much too contend with. She closed her eyes against him, against what he was doing- she would learn to cope, it was the only way. This wasn't what she wanted but now, now he wouldn't stop. She tried hard, scratching his face, trying too push him off. She succumbed after fighting for merely minutes, no energy left and overridden with guilt.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Joseph knocked on the door of her suite at the same time as he did every evening. He waited in the silent corridor, his hand clasped behind his back. He waited for 5 minutes before quietly pushing it open and making his way into the suite. Her wine glass was sitting on the table, next to her papers and folders. He smiled as her scent filled his nose and figured she must be sleeping.

He opened the slightly ajar door of her bedroom fully and stopped- dead as he seen her. She was lying on the floor, lip bleeding and covered in bruises. Hand marks covered her shoulders and neck. She was ghostly white, her nightdress the only thing keeping her warm in the freezing room.

_Whadya think? Ohhhh, please review. It was damn hard to write this chapy._

_Yours,_

_M_


	6. chapter 6

_**NOTE: **Italics are the past. You know none of these characters belong to me, which is a real shame because it will mean Kajaylc ( who this story is dedicated to) and I cannot write our script without buying the rights off of Disney which will be terribly costly.8-) yet again I've employed artistic licence with age. Thanks for the reviews, you people are soooo encouraging._

Pierre looked all over the palace for his mother- with the terrible feeling something was terribly wrong. He wandered all over- checking her suite, the library, the music room and even Joseph's apartment. The slight hope she might just have fled started to build up in him, but it was soon shattered when he seen Joseph walking around the border of the woods with a man he didn't recognise. He ran towards him, waving a little. Joe waved back and tried to smile but his smile did not mask the graveness that resounded in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Joe, but have you seen my Mama?", he questioned, fiddling with his tie.

"Pierre, this is Dr. Robson, an old friend", Joe introduced, wishing he didn't have to tell Pierre. Pierre looked inquisitively at the doctor, who smiled kindly, Pierre was sure he could detect a sense of pity in his smile.

"Doctor?", he questioned, raising an eye brow at Joseph, who smiled reassuringly back. Pierre knew it was his mother immediately and he knew whatever Rupert had done, Joseph had taken care of.

"where is she?", he questioned, anger building up suddenly. Joseph paused a moment, deciding what to do.

"she's in the cabin down by the lake, we've just returned from there", he answered slowly, still keeping a grip on Pierre's arm to prevent him from running.

"can I go and see her Joe?", he questioned, urgency filling his eyes. Joe nodded and turned to Dr. Robinson.

"thanks, Michael you've been a real help", he smiled, taking the doctors hand and shaking it warmly.

"anytime Joe", was his reply. He turned to Pierre, bowed his head slightly and turned on his heels, whistling to himself as he made his way to his car.

"it was so bad you needed a doctor?", Pierre questioned, gulping a little.Joe nodded, his eyes darkening.

They were silent as they followed the clearing through the woods to the lake, walking side by side. Pierre was bubbling with anger, he gritted his teeth as Joseph quietly opened the door.

She was sitting at the table, staring into know where. Her face was bruised and swollen and her usually composed appearance seem shattered by her slight trembling. She looked up as they came in and looked at them blankly trying to process why they were here. Pierre tried to smile at her but she looked down, staring into her tea cup. She couldn't look at her son right now, she was even finding it hard to look at Joseph. She could hear him getting nearer her, but still she refused to look up at him. He kneeled down beside her chair and tried to catch her gaze, she risked a furtive glance and then up at Joseph who was still standing in the door way, hands clasped behind his back- he nodded and smiled reassuringly. She stopped for a moment, trying to build her brick wall but it just wasn't working. It wouldn't stay in place, every time she thought about Rupert it fell down.

"mama?", Pierre whispered, touching her hand lightly. She looked up her eyes frighteningly empty.

"Pierre, darling-", she tried but failed, returning to looking down.

"Mama, I'm sorry he did this too you, this is my fault", he said, standing up and rubbing his fore head. She suddenly gripped his hand, her eyes boring into his, her nails digging into his skin.

"No, Pierre this is not your fault", she said sternly, " never".

Pierre looked towards Joseph, anger radiating through his eyes.

"I'll kill him", he muttered through gritted teeth. Clarisse stood up immediately, staring him down as she had done when he was a 12 year old eating a packet of biscuits before dinner.

"No you will not, you will leave for Rome this evening, your things are being packed as we speak. You're to join the luminaries in the Vatican", she said gently, her tone contradicting her angry face. Pierre looked at her, a mix of relief, confusion and shock playing on his face.

"Mama?", he questioned, unsure if he could leave her like this, " mama, I don't want to leave you".

"I have Joseph", Clarisse smiled, cupping his face, " Joseph will look after me". Pierre turned to Joseph, his face helpless. Joseph nodded slightly, assuring him he'd look after his mother. He couldn't believe she was doing this, asking him to leave home.

Clarisse watched his face intently, awaiting his reaction to her basically forcing him to leave his home.

"I'll leave Mama but Philippe?", he questioned, sitting down next to her.

"Philippe Is going to a college in America, you know that", she answered, gently.

"but Mama, it means he will be king", Pierre said shortly.

"yes, he will but he wants to be, I've already spoken with him. He's leaving in a week", she smiled, ruefully. The thought of losing her two children to the world was hard to deal with, especially as she was losing them happily. Not her own happiness but theirs, meant the world to her. She had always tried to protect them, she had often failed miserably.

"you should go, pierre", she continued, " I'll say goodbye to you in the morning but I need to be alone just now, darling. You understand?", she questioned, cupping his cheek. He nodded his answer, tears pricking his eyes. He couldn't believe she was doing this for them. What had she endured over the years to save Rupert taking his anger out on them? It was getting too much now, she had taken enough. That was why she was sending them away, to save them from their fathers brutality.

"you always did understand", she whispered, tears making there way down her already beaten face. He noticed lines he'd never seen on his mothers face now. She was still young, only in her forties and yet it seemed she had endured much more that a woman merely in her forties.

He smiled and made his way towards the door, Joseph joined him as he stepped into the Genovian sun, closing the door softly behind them.

"he did worse than ever this time Joe, didn't he?", Pierre questioned, matter of fact. Joseph swallowed and looked him straight in the eye, answering his question.

" dirty pig", pierre sighed, " god help me if I ever even remember him".

"just remember her, ok?", Joseph sighed, starting back down the path.

"look after her Joe, please promise me you'll look after her. She's exhausted and we're exhausted as well", he added, looking towards his father figure.

"I love her, Pierre and I've looked after her for years", Joseph answered.

"you looked after us as well Joe, how many times did you shield our eyes?", he questioned, an ironic smile playing at his lips, " like a father Joe, you've always been there for us and for... Mama". Joseph swallowed back the emotion, trying to remain composed. He loved the boys like they were his own and to hear one of them say it, wellhe wasn't quite sure how to react.

"Joe?", Pierre questioned as they came to the French doors of the palace.

"Pierre?"

"it's not the first time that doctor had had to attend to mama, is it?".

"no", Joe answered truthfully, " many times".

"thought so. If it weren't for the mercy of other Joe, where would we be?".

Pierre turned to go, leaving a smile as he made his way into the cool palace. Joseph watched him go, the young boys' words replaying themselves in his head.

"if it weren't for the mercy of others", he repeated to himself as he turned on his heels towards the cabin again, " Clarisse would be on her own".

_Did ya like, please R&R. just thought I'd let you know, I'm finishing this but still working on my other stories, don't worry._

_Yours,_

_M_


	7. chapter 7

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. I really, really try to avoid using bad language because I really don't like it, but I felt this chapter would be really weak without it, so please forgive me. thanks for the reviews._

Pierre made his way to his fathers office, fists clenched, eyes dilated with fury. He'd leave alright, but first he'd put Rupert in his place. He gripped the handle of his fathers study, and paused for a moment wondering just what he intended to do. What was he going to say, what was he thinking? He shook his head, full of childish resolve and pushed the door open.

Rupert looked up as he came in and grunting, returned to his paper work.

"you heartless bastard", Pierre said venomously, striding towards the desk. Rupert looked up, a cocky smile pulling at the side's of his mouth and his eyes glinting with a strange anger.

"hmm, let me guess, your precious Mama's not in a good way?", he sneered, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his broad chest.

"monster, how could you. Have you seen her. You're a monster, a fucking monster", Pierre screamed, the shout reverberating off the oaken panels. Rupert merely sneered, his pale face contorting in some perverse pleasure. Pierre watched his reaction, hate building up inside him. Suddenly his brain lost all control and he flew across the desk. He heard a crack as his fist came into contact with Rupert's nose, sending blood flying everywhere. His eyes glowed with fiery anger as he threw his son of him, Pierre's head smacked of the book shelf and it fell over sending first editions everywhere.

"you little imbecile", Rupert shouted, picking the half-conscious Pierre up by his shirt collar, " don't you ever dare think you can speak to me like that. You're worse than that whore of a mother of yours!", he said bitterly, pulling back his fist, preparing to hit Pierre again. Pierre grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut in preparation for the blow- it never came.

He risked opening them after nothing had happened and looked on Joseph, holding his father against one of the panels. Joseph's face was contorted with anger, hovering in front of the rather timid looking Rupert.

"Calm down, Rupert", Joseph whispered, menacingly. Rupert looked towards Pierre, his eyes still dancing with insanity and then back to Joseph.

"put me down", he demanded, unable to evade Joseph's strong grasp.

"don't go near him", Joe warned, tightening the grip on his neck. Rupert nodded as much as he could.

"and how dare you ever call Clarisse that", he continued, continuing to tighten his grip, cutting off Rupert's air supply further. Rupert nodded again, his eyes suddenly becoming dull and black. Joe let him down and he slid along the bottom of the panel, landing with a thump on the floor. Joseph made his way over to Pierre who was leaning on the desk, clutching his lip to stop the blood seeping out.

"come on", he said gruffly, pulling Pierre in the direction of his apartment.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Pierre sat at the table as Joseph attended to his battered face. He had received little blows but Rupert had a powerful fist. Mother could tell you that, he thought bitterly as Joseph stuck iodine on his cut. He flinched and bit his lip.

"what did you go and do that for?", Joe questioned, refilling the basin with hot water and dipping a clean piece of cloth into it.

"I wanted to hurt him", Pierre answered distantly. Joe nodded in recognition, but looked him straight in the eye.

"I thought I'd taught you better", he said simply, his face revealing little emotion.

"what?", Pierre questioned, cut-up by Joe's disapproval.

"don't ever use your fists to settle an argument", Joe continued, bathing his face, Pierre looked up at him.

"he deserved it and don't preach to me, Joe", Pierre shouted, stinging as Joe smothered his cut in iodine again. Joe shook his head but remained calm, the last thing he needed right now was an argument with Pierre.

"look Pierre, all I'm saying is don't be like him. Don't be violent. The pen is mightier than the sword", he said softly. Pierre looked at him for a moment, admiring Josephs ability to stay calm. He realised at that point it was Joe who had bore most of the brunt. Joe adored Pierre's mother, that much was obvious. He knew they'd been having an affair since he was a child but he'd always taken it for granted. He knew it must be killing Joe to see the woman he loved like that.

"you're right Joe", he whispered, realising his mistake, " but don't you want to kill him for doing this to her?", he continued, the frustration showing on his battered face. Joe paused for a moment and then bent down to his eye- level, crouching before him.

"Pierre, when you love someone, as much as I love your mother, you'll do whatever it takes to save them, but if they wont let you…..", he trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat, " if they wont let you, there is nothing you can do. She won't let me, I cannot do anything. I could pack him with punches, I could stab him- god how many times I've wanted to but it would hurt her and that I cannot do. I cannot hurt your mother, she's too precious to me". Pierre stared at him for a moment, taking in his deep words.

"I don't understand her", he sighed. Joseph nodded his head again and then said;

"I didn't, at first, but think about it Pierre, it's all she's ever known. You remember when you were 12, that summer we went to the beach", he recalled. Pierre nodded, remembering that evening vividly.

"that was when I understood your mother. I had loved her for years but I never really understood why she didn't leave, but after that night, when we made love for the first time I understood- she will never escape honour or duty, she's excepted it, so must we." Pierre looked at him, his eyes glazing over.

"she was forced into this life, a life that does not do well by someone as beautiful or as idealistic as your motherbut it was drilled into her, god she tried to fight. Before you were born, afterwards, but eventually she succumbed to the inevitable".

"go back to her Joe, I'll be fine here" Pierre mumbled after a little while. Joe nodded his head slowly, secretly desperate to return to her.

"are you sure?", he question, opening the door and turning back to Pierre.

"yes, Joe- I'm going to finish packing, the thought of getting out of here………", he trailed off, lost in his thoughts. He couldn't quite believe he was leaving home so quickly, even if it was for the best as his mama insisted, he still had his doubts.

_Hope you liked, it was Joe and Clarisse free which is a little annoying, but hey it had to be done!_

_Please R&R,_

_Yours,_

_M_


	8. chapter 8

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. _

Joe quickly made his way down the clearing, longing to see her. He slipped in quietly and she looked up from her place on the couch.

"hello", she muttered, a small smile playing at the sides of her mouth. He smiled back and sat down, kissing her fore-head lightly and pulling her into his arms.

"how are you feeling?", he questioned, guiding her head to rest on his chest. She raised her eyes up at him and let them linger on his face, studying him. He stared back, smiling slightly. She reached her hand up and ran it down his cheek, he closed his eyes marvelling at her physical power over him.

"better", she whispered finally, tightening her grip on his waist.

"I'm relieved at that", he whispered, running his finger through her hair. She smiled up, amused at his tenderness.

"yes, much better now that I've seen both of my boys I feel as if I can do this", she smiled, taking his hand and tracing the lines on his palm. He closed his eyes, relaxing a little from the tension that had enveloped him in the last few hours. He smiled at her dazed and tired, his head suddenly feeling heavy.

"you're tired", she stated quietly, snuggling tighter to him. He nodded his head gently and lifted her up into a more comfortable position. She sighed, feeling safer than she had in hours.

"sleep", he whispered, " you must be exhausted".

"Joseph?", she questioned, twisting her head up to look at him.

"hmmm?", he answered, quickly drifting.

"I love you", she barely whispered, still afraid anyone would hear them.

"and I love you too, Clarisse. God, I love you", he whispered, sliding down on the couch so that she was lying on top of him.

Clarisse watched him fall asleep, listening to his breathing. Was there anything he wouldn't do for her, she knew most probably not. She smiled gently at that, he'd never once left her or abandoned her - as much as she had pushed him away.

She soon felt her own head getting heavy, the events of the last 24 hours eventually taking there toll on her. She closed her eyes, the only sound she could hear was him, his breathing. The only thing she could feel was him lying underneath her, his chest lifting her light body every time he let out a soft breath and his strong arms encasing her cautiously. She felt consumed by him, the air she breathed, everything she felt was from Joseph. Everything she knew seemed to be Joseph. She drifted off, safe in the knowledge that whatever anyone ever done to her, he'd always be there to make it ok.

_So, it was horribly short but it's just a linking chapter to present Genovia, with Amelia on the throne._

_Yours,_

_M_


	9. chapter 9

_Honestly they never make exceptions lol_

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney neither do BMW. **NOTE:** So I decided to just stay in the past, partly because Pokimon wants me too and partly because I want to see where it will go myself. Artistic licence with age as usual. _

_Hey does anyone know if there are any other PD fan-fic websites? If you do could you review me and tell me please? Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!_

Clarisse drew her hands over the perfectly trimmed hedge as she walked around the garden. She was lost in thought, missing her sons terribly. The sun was beating down again, burning the back of her neck and making her feel exhausted, or was that to do with the fact she hardly ever slept any more? She slowed as she came to a stone bench and pausing for a moment, sat down. No-one was around to annoy her, she could sit here all day and try to be on her own. She crossed her legs as she sat down- highly unusual for her and running her fingers through her hair, closed her eyes.

It had been a year since the boys had left, but it felt like so much longer. Rupert was still playing his games but not as often and Clarisse continually wondered why. Her husbands health was deteriorating considerably, after all he was 56, a heavy smoker and an even heavier drinker. She sighed, a small part of her wishing he'd just die. She scolded herself for her terrible thoughts and sighed again. Sighing was something she seemed to be doing a lot of these days. She fumbled about her head for her shades and pulled them down onto the bridge of her nose. As much as she tried, energy was something she just couldn't muster at all.

Joseph watched Clarisse from behind the bench, the way she kept running her fingers through her hair and sighing continuously. He frowned as she did it again, worrying that something was truly wrong.

"hello", he said lightly, closing the distance between the bench and sitting down beside her. She didn't answer but cocked her head up to look at him, smiling slightly.

"hello", she muttered, her tiredness evident in her voice. He smiled lightly and gently lifted her shades from her face, exposing her to the sun. she squirmed and glared but she really couldn't be bothered voicing her protest.

"there", he said, folding the glasses up and hanging them from the collar of her suit, " I like to see your lovely eyes", he continued sincerely. She smiled a little, her gaze seemingly distant. He continued to stare into her eyes, noticing how the blue didn't seem as vivid any more, they were dull and grey and full of pain. She noticed him studying her, sure that questions where going to ensue after he seen how ill she looked.

"it's hot today", she smiled, " It's making me tired".

"hmm- hmm", he nodded, his eyes telling her that her excuses were not convincing. She sighed and taking his hand in hers put them in between them on the bench. He smiled wryly at her obvious discretion for matters of the heart.

"strength?", he questioned, gripping her hand a little tighter. She nodded slowly and he noticed a silvery tear working its way down her face, dropping onto her cream suit.

"I can't believe it Joe, I can't believe my little boy's a father, it makes me feel old….and trapped", she admitted quietly, " I wish he'd told me he got married but because of his _father _he couldn't. what kind of life is that."

"Philippe just done what he thought was right. Don't worry Clarisse it will iron out when we get to California", he smiled, gripping her shoulder for a moment. She nodded, affirming his reassurance.

"and my new assistant, you're so right Joe, charlotte is proving invaluable- she's fantastic", she added as an after thought. He smiled, she often agreed with his choices. They sat in silence for a long while, lost in thoughts when she yawned in a very un quietly manner. He laughed and she smiled sheepishly.

"you should rest, we have a long flight in the morning", he smiled, standing up and offering his hand. The sun was setting, the red sky already promising an atrociously warm day tomorrow.

"rest with me?", she questioned, " I don't want to eat, I don't want to think abut tomorrow, in fact I don't want to think about anything", she said distantly, wondering how Rupert was convinced she was just going to see him at college. She shook her head, if he ever found out- she might as well be dead.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The journey was painfully tedious with only scarce moments of lightness or humour from a concerned Joseph. Clarisse signed paper after paper given to her by an eager charlotte, determined that she would have no paper work to do on 'holiday'. her hand was cramping, her vision becoming bleary but she continued to do her paper work until Joseph pulled the pen out of her hand, making her scribble a line on a piece of legislation.

"enough", he said firmly. She glared at him, her eyes telling him he should give up. He simply smiled back, replacing the pen with a cup of tea, she smiled reluctantly as he did so, giving in to him.

"feel any better?", he questioned as she took a sip from the tea-cup. She smiled at him, resting her head back on the head rest and closing her eyes momentarily.

"will we be there soon?", she questioned anxiously, desperate to see philippe and dreading it at the same time.

"yes, soon your majesty", he confirmed flatly. Her shoulders slumped as she sat back on the leather seat of Genovia 1.

"Clarisse it will be fine, please believe me", Joseph tried, looking weary. She nodded a little, god she would love to believe him.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Philippe rubbed his hands together as the cold Californian breeze blew through his floppy hair, making him shiver. He watched as the family plain taxied onto the run way, its red lights flashing. He couldn't wait to see his mother or Joe, a whole year without seeing them had certainly taken its toll. He sighed unrelenting as the door of the plane swung open, filling him with dreaded anticipation.

Clarisse smiled as she seen her baby standing on the tarmac. Decorum was completely thrown to the wind as she did so.

"Philippe!", she squealed, throwing her arms open.

"Mama!", he laughed, hugging her tightly and kissing both her cheeks.

"oh my darling", she smiled, holding him at arms length to get a better look, " how are you?".

"I'm fine Mama but where is Joe?", he questioned, scanning the surrounding area for his surrogate father.

"I'm right here", Joseph smiled, getting off the plane. Philippe's eyes brightened further, causing his mother to chuckle at his fantastic child like features. She was then thrust harshly back into the reality of why she was here- her granddaughter.

"So, Philippe darling, am I going to get to meet our new edition any time soon?", she questioned light heartedly. He was shocked by her reaction and light heartedness- he had expected to feel her wrath for getting himself into this situation but she seemed eerily calm.

"I'll take you Mama, just send the cars to the consulate", he smiled, leading her over to a BMW parked on the tarmac.

"you're not living at the consulate?", she questioned, raising an eye brow at Joe.

"no", he admitted, " no, we bought a fire house south of market street, we're renovating it", he continued enthusiastically. Clarisse decided to be quiet on that point as she slid into the car behind Joseph, taking his hand for the strength he seemed to give her instead.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They arrived at the house 20 minutes later. Clarisse could feel her head spinning at the thought of even meeting her new daughter in law never mind her granddaughter. Joseph placed a firm hand on the small of her back, guiding her towards the stairs of the house. Clarisse smiled shakily at him. Trying to reassure herself as much as him that she was fine. He nodded back as she stepped into the house- into what she felt was oblivion.

It was large and colourful- visually assaulting if she had to admit to herself. Philippe disappeared for a moment and returned with his new wife - Helen. She was young and pretty, with unruly hair and a good complexion but Clarisse knew on first glance she was most certainly not royal material.

Helen smiled at the graceful and elegant woman before her. The pictures Pierre had of her done her justice. She had blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and a slightly upturned nose. Appropriate, Helen thought to herself, trying to dissuade her nervousness.

"Helen this is Queen Clarisse Elizabeth Gerard Renaldi, queen of Genovia", philippe teased, trying to break the ice, " known most affectionately to me as Mama". Helen studied her again, noting how much of a good body she had, how high her heels were, how she seemed to be very sure of herself.

"hello", Clarisse smiled, stepping forward and kissing the young girls cheek with only the slightest air of formality.

"and this is Joe but don't call him Joey", Philippe said, finally letting out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. Joe inclined his head towards Helen, smiling as he did so.

"ahh, you're Joe", Helen laughed, " I've heard so much about you". Joe nodded his head lightly, slipping his shades form his face with his free hand while his other remained firmly pressed to Clarisse's back. Clarisse fiddled with her chain, feeling acutely uncomfortable. She couldn't wait to meet her granddaughter, even if she could never act like her grandmother.

"so", she said coolly, taking her coat off and placing it over the couch, " am I going to meet the new edition to my family?". philippe laughed a little, nodding to Helen.

"I should go get her", Helen muttered, making her way up the stairs.

"Mama, take a seat", philippe smiled, motioning with his hand towards a spongy arm chair. Clarisse risked a look at it, not her usual throne but it would do. She sat down cautiously and folding her hands on her lap, slipped one leg underneath the other.

Helen came back onto the landing, hugging a bundle of blanket possessively and humming a little. Clarisse tensed up, afraid she was going to cry, afraid she was going to laugh, afraid she never wanted to go back to Genovia.

Helen handed Clarisse the little, bouncy girl. Clarisse smiled gently, the only emotion showing through her iciness.

"Mama", Pierre said, brimming with pride, " this is Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi". Clarisse smiled up at him, holding the kicking bay in her arms.

"she has your ears Philippe", she smiled, emotion slightly clouding her voice. She kissed Amelia's head lightly, fearing this was the last time she'd see this little girl for many years. Joseph walked around behind her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She leaned her head against his hands, closing her eyes for a second as she rebuilt her wall.

Philippe watched his mother intently, knowing what this was doing to her. God, if his father found out he'd blame her. How dare HER son marry a common, American artist. He knew what he had to do, he had to leave Helen, Amelia and what had become home to return to a world where everything haunted him. It broke his heart that Helen knew he'd choose his mothers safety and reputation over her, but what could he do? He had only one choice, return to Genovia and become the king he'd never even been born to be.

_Yes it was a marathon but I just put a lot in one chapter._

_Yours,_

_M_


	10. chapter 10

_None of these characters belong to me; they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. This my pretties is the real reason why Amelia never new her real past until Rupert was really and truly dead and it also explains Helens resentment for Clarisse._

_Please R&R. thanks you're all great._

Clarisse sat in the small café with Helen, stirring her tea unconsciously. Amelia gurgled and laughed from inside the stroller, kicking her chubby legs and emitting little squeals every now and then.

Helen watched Clarisse from across the table. She noted how uncomfortable she looked, how she constantly shifted in her chair.

"So, do you not usually take Joe everywhere?" Helen questioned, trying to start a light conversation in an attempt to avoid the heavy talk she knew was going to come.

Clarisse smiled at the mention of his name, brightening a little.

"Hmmm, yes but he wanted to spend some time Philippe", she smiled, sitting back in her chair, "he's very good, very attentive". She inwardly laughed at her unintended double entendre, blushing a little at herself.

"Yeah, I gather Philippe and Joe were pretty close from the way Philippe talks about him all the time", Helen said, reminded of how her husband near worshiped the man.

"Yes we were pretty much like a family when the boys where younger, Joseph was-", she stopped, chocking on her revealing words.

"Philippe said Joe was pretty much like a father", Helen finished kindly, sipping another cup of coffee. Clarisse nodded lightly, her self control waning again. She really truly liked this woman but hated what she knew she had to do.

"I'm sorry about this", Clarisse almost whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat. Helen found it hard to understand at first, but then realised exactly what Clarisse was talking about.

"Well I'm not going to say I'm happy - but I know why he's leaving me….and Amelia", Helen said, biting into the Danish pastry.

"You must detest me", Clarisse sighed, propping her head on her hand.

"Well can you blame me, my husband who loves me immensely is leaving me because he's a mommy's boy", Helen said. It wasn't nasty or cutting but it felt like it to Clarisse.

"If you knew….." Clarisse trailed off. Helen looked at her intently.

"I do know", Helen said shortly, "if he goes back with any woman, particularly a commoner like me. His father will go nuts and you'll bear the brunt of it. Don't worry; my husband explained it to me thoroughly last night after you went to the consulate". Clarisse frowned at her, hiding her pain for what she was doing to her granddaughter, her daughter in law and especially her son, her baby.

"I would rather he stayed here with you, but he won't, for he knows what his father's like. He knows what will happen to the monarchy, what will happen to me", Clarisse almost whispered, staring down at the glass table.

"I don't understand women who stay with men who abuse them", Helen said curtly, hurting Clarisse more.

"You wouldn't", Clarisse laughed dryly, "I never thought I would, but when you're queen of the country it's a little different from the normal abusive marriage".

"Philippe loves you and his country more than he loves me and Amelia", Helen said distantly, staring into her cup.

"No he doesn't", Clarisse said adamantly, "he wouldn't have married you if that had been the case. He's in love but it's not enough. If he were to return with you and Amelia-", she faltered, tears slowly piercing her eyes as she thought of how Rupert would react if he ever found out. Helen nodded, smiling sadly.

She didn't want to hate Clarisse; in fact she rather liked her. Philippe had begged her to understand about his predicament but as hard as she tried, she couldn't help but be angry at his mother.

"You've never been in love, have you?" Helen questioned before she could stop herself. Clarisse's head shot up, and her eyes widened as she tried to process a question which she could never quite face. She swallowed a little.

"I-", she faltered, deciding the café was far to busy to continue a conversation like this, "lets walk along the pier". Helen nodded, downing the last of her coffee and stood up. Clarisse followed slipping on her sun shades and straightening imaginary creases out of her linen suit.

"I have, you know", Clarisse said as they stepped out into the mid-day sun. Helen turned to her, a shocked expression playing on her face.

"But you got married when you were 15, or so Philippe says", she said, frowning bemusedly.

"Hmmm, yes I was but it doesn't mean you can't fall in love with someone else", Clarisse smiled, pushing Amelia's stroller along the waxy boards.

"Are you still in love?" Helen questioned, becoming more intrigued. Clarisse was a little unsure of what to say, after all Helen was trust worthy but what would she do to get Philippe back- tell the press? Clarisse shook the thought, deciding telling Helen would perhaps make her seem less inhumane.

"Yes, very much", Clarisse smiled, visions of Joseph popping into her head. His smile, the way his lips felt, the way he growled when he spoke.

"If you don't mind me asking, who is it?" Helen questioned, sitting down on a bench. Clarisse joined her, crossing her legs as she sat.

"Joe", she said simply, causing Helen to choke on oxygen.

"What?" Helen exclaimed, laughing a little at her reaction.

"Joe", Clarisse repeated, laughing herself.

"Wow! Well I'm not really that shocked actually, philippe said you two were 'friends'", Helen said.

"Philippe knows that we've got more than just a professional relationship, but I think both of them understand. Joseph saved me from my husband many times, he brought my boys up to be men, and I suppose it just grew out of pain but it was worth it". Helen nodded quietly, looking up towards the sky.

"I think I understand", Helen mused, gently rocking Amelia's stroller back and forth, " but it's hard to know you're husband would leave you just so his father wont go berserk- doesn't make him seem like much of a man". Clarisse nodded, the feeling of being completely helpless slowly rising to the surface.

"and, my little girl, _his_ little girl is never going to know her father or her other family properly. It hurts to know that", Helen said gravely, " I would have came back to Genovia with him you know". Clarisse nodded, knowing that this girl would have done anything for her son.

"but he won't let me. He says it will be the last straw with his father. He isn't possibly that bad, is he?".

"yes, he's that bad and there is no use denying it. Rupert will kill him, he'll kill me if he finds out Philippe has married, let alone had a child", Clarisse sighed, wringing her hands together. Helen let a tear trickle down her cheek, she was losing her husband to a monster she'd never even met but yet the fear in Clarisse's voice alone told her that he was right, there was no other way.

"we should go now", Clarisse said after a little while of silence, " I want to make the best of the two days we have left here". Helen smiled sadly, and stood up followed by Clarisse. They walked along the boards silently, knowing that whatever they tried to do, everyone would suffer.

_Did ya like? Hope you did. _

_Please R&R._

_Yours, _

_M_


	11. chapter 11

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. I plan to move into 'present', but just bare with me. Thanks for the reviews, btw._

Joe sat up in the cool room, lying on the bed was doing nothing to calm him. He just wished she was here with him, where she would be safe, protected. She was damn infuriating, he'd told her not to be long but of course, she hadn't listened. He walked over to the window, desperate to know she wasn't hurting, desperate to let her know he was here for her.

Resting a hand on the wall he looked out onto the window, leaning on the flowery window seat. The sky was tinged with wonderful bright and reds, making him feel eerily alone in the near deserted consulate.

The anger in him was building. His desperation and need to make everything right for her was overpowering, his love and adoration for her over flowing.

"damn it!", he suddenly shouted, ramming his hand into the concrete wall. His knuckles split immediately, revealing raw flesh and fresh blood.

Clarisse watched him from the door, knowing this anger was most probably caused by her. He collapsed down on the window seat, head buried in his hands as crimson blood dropped from his swollen hand onto the plush carpet.

"Joseph!", she whispered, shock and fear playing with every fibre of her body. It carried across the empty bed chamber, reaching his ears like a whispered miracle. He looked up, tension leaving his body, the only thing remaining was the pent up exhaustion of that the previous sleepless nights had bestowed upon him over the last weeks.

"Joseph!", she repeated, kneeling down beside him, concern Cleary plastered across her tired face, " oh Joseph, I'm so sorry". he looked up at her gravely, admonishing her needless apology with his deep eyes.

"your hand", she whispered, lifting his bloody hand from his lap and holding it.

"I just needed to vent", he laughed lightly, trying desperately to make her feel at ease. His anger was something he never wanted his beautiful Clarisse to see. She frowned at him, evidently not happy with the way he was trying to make light of a grim situation.

"I'll clean this up", she whispered, standing up and making for the bathroom.

"Clarisse I-", he faltered, standing up and rubbing his other hand over his head.

"It's ok", she whispered, moving closer to him, " we all get angry. I don't blame you, in fact I understand you better than I understand anyone". He moved his hand up to her face in an adoring gesture, kissing her on the lips lightly. She closed her eyes, not caring if his blood covered her face, if it dripped on the carpet, if it stained her suit.

"my beautiful Clarisse……", he whispered, his voice low and husky with emotion. She smiled, holding his wrist as he touched her cheek.

"I'll never ever let you go, I'll never leave you", he continued, kissing both of her closed eyes. She smiled gently, opening them. She couldn't answer, words not able to say what she had to.

Her eyes thanked him instead, deep and oceanic and inviting. He lost himself momentarily in their beauty, in her beauty. The way she seemed to sparkle unnaturally when she was with him. She smiled brighter this time, bringing him gently back to the present, the stinging in his hand a harsh reminder of their predicament.

Joseph grimaced as she steeped his hand in the steamy water. He watched her face as she bathed his hand, much as he had done to Pierre a year ago. She smiled as she poured some oil onto the cuts and grazes- her dazzling beauty taking his mind off the pain.

"thank you", he murmured, flexing his hand as she drained the last of the water out of the marble sink. She kissed his cheek lightly.

"you're welcome", she smiled, rolling down the sleeves of her shirt and running her hands under the tap, " don't be so angry next time, I might have seemed calm but the sight of blood makes me terribly faint", she continued light heartedly. He laughed a little, feeling much better now she was back where he could watch her.

She glided into the bedroom, motioning him to join her as she sat down in the bed.

"you want to talk?", she questioned, lying down on her back and resting her head on the back of her hands. He joined mimicking her position so they were both staring at the intricately designed ceiling.

"no, I just needed to know you were safe and I'm angry about what this is doing to you………to us", he whispered, edging closer to her. She turned on her side at the same time, coming face to face with him, and just as if it was natural, her leg came to rest on top of his, pinning him down. He caressed it idly, running a cool hand up and down her thigh.

"I won't let anything happen to us Joseph", she said directly, " I love you , nothing can ever or will ever change that".

" I don't doubt that, it's just that I hate seeing you like this - so vulnerable, so volatile", he smiled.

"I'm a Trojan, Joey. I like a battle", she joked, placing her hand on his cheek in her intimate gesture she only reserved for him.

"you've had too many battles, my little Trojan", he whispered, turning in and placing a searing kiss on her palm.

She smiled, moving nearer to him, her kiss still shocking and thrilling him every time they kissed. Immediately he pulled her closer, his hand resting on her hip as he demanded more of her kiss. His strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her on top of him. His hands demanded permission to wander - she didn't protest, but kissed him mercilessly.

Her head became filled with him as it often did, everything he said, everything he done. His quips, his annoyances, the way he felt, the way he smelled. The way he made her feel like the most beautiful creature alive - the way he suddenly needed her. No Rupert, no Genovia, no world. Only Joseph, everything she needed and felt was Joseph.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Joseph held her close as her breathing evened out as he often did, her body pressed tightly against his in the blistering heat of the room. He didn't want to let her go yet, the way she felt against him was too heavenly.

The evening was only beginning but neither of them could move or rather, they didn't want too. She felt as if she was joined to him. Time had stopped, nothing was moving. The only sound in the room was the buzzing of the air conditioning and the beating of his heart against her cheek.

Joseph ran his fingers through her damp hair, twisting it gently in his fingers. She lifted her head from his chest and smiled at him from where she lay tangled in the silk sheets and then rested it back down again, exhaustion slowly taking over. He laughed lightly.

"I've tired you out?", he laughed, still playing with her hair.

"hmmm, you wish", she murmured sleepily. He knew she'd drift soon and he was quite happy with that, just lying here was enough.

She smiled languidly as she slowly drifted, everything that had been previously annoying her now forgotten in blissful hours with joseph. His arms wrapped around her were her real walls of protection - but no one would ever understand that.

_Did you like, I hope you did !_

_Yours, _

_M_


	12. chapter 12

Clarisse sat in the gazebo, sipping her tea quietly and picking at her breakfast while Rupert read the paper. she studied her husband carefully, something which she hadn't done in years. He was fatter and slower now, his health was deteriorating far too quickly for the usual monarch of Genovia. his constant health problems meant he couldn't deal with as much as he used to, leaving clarisse to do a lot of his work. he sipped his fourth cup of coffee and chewed on his bacon, disgusting clarisse even more. his hair was greased back with oil , and his shirt button was open due to the severe heat of the summer making him look relaxed and laid back, far from what she knew he truly was.

Joseph and his new security intern, someone she knew to be known as Shades stood at the entrance to the Gazebo, watching over them. she smiled at shades then to Joseph and motioning her gaze towards her husband, rolled her eyes. he grinned back and hung his head trying to avoid her all too enticing eyes. these moments were rare, when Clarisse felt the need to entertain herself, she'd pick fun at Rupert.

Joseph watched as Philippe ran down the gravel path, still pulling on his top and running his fingers through his floppy hair.

"rough night?", Joseph mumbled, Philippe nodded a sly grin passing across his face, but suddenly as if a reminder of what he'd left behind in America his eyes became sad and dull. Joseph squeezed his shoulder lovingly and nodding, Philippe made his way over to the breakfast table.

he couldn't quite believe his little girl was 14 now, he still only immortalized her at 3 months old, kicking and squealing and giggling. he missed Helen terribly as well- he could have as many one night stands as he wanted, but it was never the same.

Clarisse watched her younger son as he sat down, the sadness that would not disappear from his eyes was heart braking. she stood up and kissed his cheek, earning herself a smile.

"you enjoyed yourself at the movie premiere last night, darling?", she questioned, returning to her seat.

"yeah, yeah it was great fun Mama", he smiled, taking a bite out of his chocolate croissant. Rupert looked up from his paper and grunted unnervingly.

"have you any intention of settling down?", Rupert questioned gruffly.

Philippe ignored him, remembering the super model that was lying in his bed.

"answer Me!", rupert commanded, slamming his hand down on the table. Clarisse looked up, raising an eye brow at her son and sipped her tea.

"do calm down, Rupert", she said mockingly, a slight smile playing at the corners of her lips. his face turned a little red as he registered her mocking. he stood up, slammed his paper down and turned on his feet. Clarisse chuckled and Philippe laughed along, the momentary humour making him forget his sadness. Clarisse motioned for Joseph to replace rupert, something he often did and smiling he removed his jacket and sat down.

"so..", she smiled at her son, "you sent Amelia's birthday away?".

"mmm, yes. that Faberge merry-go-round you said you liked, I sent her that", he smiled back, "i can't quite believe my Mia's 14".

"no, neither can i", she concurred. he nodded sadly, and Joseph decided to change the subject quickly - not to let painful memories resurface.

"so, you met a woman last night?", Joe questioned, taking a bite of Clarisse's croissant.

"yes", Philippe answered, trying to avoid his mothers disapproving look, "she's going to accompany me to the prime ministers inauguration ball tonight, is that ok with you Mama?", he continued turning to clarisse.

"yes, if you wish", she answered non committal. Philippe knew his mother and Joseph didn't approve of his womanising, and if he was honest, he couldn't say he approved of it either. he had gained his reputation as quite the ladies man through his womanising with every high profile woman in his country and beyond and he certainly was not proud.

"just make sure you 'lady friend' does not cause a scene", joseph said sharply, standing up. Philippe nodded right away, knowing Joseph was not a man to mess with. Clarisse looked at him, confirming her support of Josephs warning and standing up, kissed Philippe on the cheek and went to her office.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Joseph watched Clarisse from the corner of the ballroom were he stood overseeing security. she was talking animatedly to lady Jerome, commanding attention from all the aristocracy surrounding her in a circle. as usual she looked utterly ravishing. her turquoise dress clung to her curves, curves that joseph could spend hours marvelling at. she momentarily looked across the room to where he was standing and smiled the smile she only reserved for him and then as if nothing had happened, she returned to her admirers.

Clarisse was being ever the hostess when she heard someone call her name. a familiar voice, yet one she hadn't hear since she was at boarding school.

"Clarisse!", Marie Ann called from the side of the ball room.

"Marie Ann?", clarisse questioned, detaching herself from the group quickly. Clarisse's face lit up as she recognised her best-friend from boarding school.

"what on earth?", she smiled, pulling Marie Ann into a hug.

"hello, clarisse", marie ann smiled.

Joseph watched as Clarisse made a quick exit out the French doors with what he could only assume was her friend. the woman in question seemed the same age as her. she was dark haired with olive skin, pretty- but not a patch on clarisse.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"so tell me, where have you been?", Clarisse questioned, linking her arm through Marie Anne's as they made there way to a bench in the garden.

"hhmm, everywhere I've ever wanted to go, you know the things we talked abut when we couldn't sleep during storms", she answered, taking a sip from her champagne glass.

"most definitely the most interesting conversations", Clarisse laughed.

"yes, then you just weren't there one morning. i couldn't quite believe it when they told us you'd left to get Married! we were so shocked, Clarisse. why?", Marie Ann questioned.

clarisse sighed, remembering the day she'd been told at the age of fifteen that she was to be married. her father had came to her school, to fetch her. she hadn't cried, she hadn't reacted at all, she just packed her suitcase.

"Rupert was 30, none of his consorts were suitable. he was expected to marry a virgin and you know my father was friends with the king, so it just made sense i suppose", she sighed, sitting down.

"yes, but i mean it wasn't you, you never wanted to marry. you wanted to travel the world, get drunk, sleep with lots of different men", marie ann teased, causing Clarisse to blush.

"things change, i changed", Clarisse said curtly.

"no", marie ann smiled, "circumstances change. clarisse, i only watched you for ten minutes before i spoke to you this evening and yet i can see you're terribly un happy". Clarisse looked up at her intently, knowing this was someone she could not lie to.

"in some areas yes, but in others...", she trailed off as she seen Josephs silhouette striding mercifully towards her in the dark.

"your Majesty", he smiled, nodding his head slightly," king rupert requests you presence at once". she rolled her eyes at him, and he gave her a "just tolerate it, clarisse" look.

"Marie Anne", she smiled, standing up as her facade slipped back into place, " i would like you to meet my dear friend and head of security, joseph". marie Anne extended a hand which he kissed gracefully.

"Clarisse, shall i wait?", he questioned, motioning her to move toward the palace.

"no, no Joseph, you go back to his majesty, tell him i shall come when i see fit", she said shortly. joseph took her hand in his and kissed it lightly. she smiled, touching his cheek gently as he turned away from her to head up the path. marie Anne gave clarisse a knowing smile, the look she had in her eyes for her head of security could not be denied.

"ooohh", she sighed, "he's devastating. is he available?". Clarisse laughed lightly and shook her head.

"no, he has a girlfriend", Clarisse answered, linking her arm in her friends.

"oh right, you know her well", marie ann teased.

"very", Clarisse confirmed, a slight smile playing at her lips.

"i figured as much", marie ann laughed.

"and anyways why should it matter to you, aren't you happily married?", Clarisse laughed.

"Clarisse, darling I've been _happily_ married four times", she said with a mock knowledge, "but I'm far too much of a rebel, you know that".

"well hopefully you've done enough rebelling for both of us", clarisse sighed.

Clarisse gave her a rueful smile as she disappeared back into the ball room, surrounded yet again by the aristocracy of Genovia. Clarisse knew her un happiness was beginning to become terribly evident - even to those who hadn't seen he since she was merely fifteen years old.

_Did you like, I hope you did! Please review. Sorry it took so long, I was away all week - but I took my laptop!_

_Yours,_

_M_


	13. chapter 13

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. ENJOY! And thanks for all the wonderful reviews ! Shakespeare does not belong to me, surprisingly it belongs to him. Its out of Anthony and Cleopatra, by the way._

Joseph stared down at the lifeless body of the king before him. Cold and blue, Joseph could only assume he'd been dead for a good few hours. His lips were blue and his cold, evil eyes stared at Joseph from the bed- making Joseph feel very uncomfortable.

Clarisse stood at the edge of the bed with him, Philippe near by with the archbishop. Clad in her night robe, she was utterly emotionless - or at least it didn't show. Relief was coursing through her body, a strange sense of freedom evoking her. She watched the doctor as he folded the sheet over her late husbands face.

"a heart attack, your Majesty", he stated sorrowfully, bowing his head slightly. She nodded mutely, frightened her voice might betray her. She wasn't surprised he'd died, after all he never exactly took care of his health. But the sight of his dead body frightened her none the less. Still afraid, even when he was dead. In the beautiful morning light, his gross features making her convulse with hatred. She lurched forward a little, afraid she was going to be sick. She didn't stop to think, she ran to the bathroom - closely followed by joseph.

She bent over the sink, crying as the relief took over. Her stomach churned and she shook. She knew what she was feeling wasn't right by any standards. The thought that he couldn't hurt her anymore was so surreal, so unbelievable that she felt sick. She jumped as Joseph placed a hand in her shoulder.

"you're all right", he assured quietly, so the people in the room would not hear.

"Joseph…..", she cried, clinging on to him.

"it's over now", he murmured, pulling her nearer as he stroked her hair. Her tears got heavier, cascading down he cheeks and onto his shirt.

"Clarisse", he tried regrettably, " we should go back in there. You must be strong. Cry with me but pretend to miss him in public". she looked up at him, knowing he was right. Her face became stony and the tears quickly ceased as the façade slipped into place. She seemed to gain height as she straightened up, detaching herself from him.

"I-", she tried, but the tears quickly welled, making coherent speech impossible.

"later, we'll speak later, darling", he whispered, guiding her gently towards the door. She nodded slightly, and pulling open the door walked silently in.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse stood motionless as they lowered the casket into the dank earth of the family tomb. The relief still churning her stomach as it hade done in the last week that he had laid in state.

Joseph watched her from the side, observing how nothing seemed to faze her strange serenity. It was at that moment, he noticed how much Pierre and Philippe where like her. Their faces showed no trace of emotion, they stood tall and stoic. Hands clasped at their fronts, protectively flanking her like body guards. They had said little about their fathers death, seeming pretty indifferent to it all.

The archbishop uttered his last words and as the cameras focused in on her, they sent her emotionless face beaming around to the watching the world. Broadcasting the " ice queen". She couldn't remember feeling so out of control, so helpless. She felt the urge to scream become over powering, and she probably would have if it weren't for Joseph's calming presence suddenly hovering behind her, his had applying pressure to her back.

"your Majesty", he said softly, " the cars…. It's time to go". she turned to him, nodding slightly. He pushed his way through the guests, past the barricades and policia holding back the mourning subject. She nodded at them gracefully, taking into account the throngs of people turned out for their beloved kings burial. Joseph stopped at the limo and opened the door for her. she turned full circle, acknowledging the countries people again and climbed in as he slammed the door behind her.

He slid along beside her in the leather seat, keeping his distance but making sure she knew he was there.

"drive", he ordered gruffly to the driver in the front. She looked at him, the sides of her lips curling slightly. Reaching forward, she closed the privacy screen and sitting back, removed her veil quickly, discarding it on the floor. He remained staring out the window, but conscious of what she was doing. She sighed, lying back and closing her eyes. Relief sweeping over her.

"we can speak now", he said gently, turning to her.

"oh", she smiled gently, " relief Joseph, I've never felt relief like it in my whole life". he nodded understandingly, but he kept his distance - not quite sure what to do.

"it's surreal. I'm utterly indifferent to that fact he's dead " she paused, suddenly feeling terrible "is that wrong?". Joseph pondered her question for a moment, studying her face as he did so.

"no", he finally said, " I don't think it is, after all how could you feel anything for him." she smiled, glad he understood.

"I'm not heartless Joseph", she stated, reaching for his hand. He clasped their fingers together, noting how cold her hands were.

"Clarisse", he reassured lovingly, " I know that. You don't need to tell me". she smiled at him sadly, he didn't think it but everyone else did.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Later that evening, as he escorted her to her suite, they didn't speak. She was tired - the funeral reception had been long and disgustingly formal, making her quite exhausted. She sighed in the silent corridor, making it echo. He paused a little and then swooping on her shoulders, rubbed her neck gently - trying to release the tension.

"he made me like this", she suddenly whispered, emotion clinging to her throaty voice as she weakly pushed open her suite door.

"Clarisse…..", he tried, following her in without his usual invite and softly closing the door. She turned to him.

"this isn't me, I was never like this!", she suddenly screamed in frustration, " I was never like this! My parents sold me too him, for all I was worth. This is not me! I'm not cold, I'm not heartless - I do feel things. Why did this happen! I've lost my life Joe….I've lost my life.". she was aching all over and screaming words that had played in her head every second since the day she'd married him. They burned her, but god she needed to say them.

"I was so young Joseph", she whispered, falling to her knees. She wrapped her arms tightly round herself, sobbing ferociously. He quickly joined her on the floor and pulled her into his arms.

"it's ok, Clarisse. It's alright to lose it - to get angry", he whispered, stroking his hands through her hair. She clung to his shirt, her tears failing to cease as everything started to crumble. She lifted her chin and looked up at him, her face sticky with the drying tears.

" he can't hurt me anymore" she smiled, running a hand down his cheek "I'm free now".

"don't say things like that", he said darkly. She nodded, understanding his meaning.

"you'll never be free for me", he whispered, looking into her eyes.

"maybe one day", she said softly, cupping his cheek and kissing it lightly. He smiled gently, kissing her lips tenderly.

"Joseph...", she whispered, turning in his arms and into a feverish kiss. it wasn't a request, or a statement - it was just her worshipping him. she kissed his face, undoing his tie at the same time. he smiled, and deftly unzipped her dress, slipping it softly down her arms until it pooled at her waist. He lifted her from the floor, kissing her as he did so.

"the light...", she breathed.

"moonlight", he whispered, guiding her towards the bedroom. Everything was forgotten, her sadness and his desperation left behind.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o00o0

Clarisse moaned softly as he fell against her breathing heavily, resting his head on her chest. She ran her hand over his head, tightening her grip on his back . The room was dark, the only light seeping in was moonlight from the massive windows, making the atmosphere in the room eerily peaceful.

"I love you", he whispered in a barely audible, husky growl. She could feel sudden tears welling up in her eyes, unable to hold them back for much longer.

"I love you too", she smiled, pulling him impossibly closer still.

Joseph was shaking and he didn't know why. Perhaps it was the fact he'd just made love to the only woman he'd ever really loved - though it wasn't as if it was his first time. Perhaps it was the realisation she was willing………or the realisation she'd never be his.

"your trembling", she whispered, smoothing circles on his clammy back.

"making love to you has that effect on me", he answered, gripping her shoulder slightly as he turned them both, so they were lying on their sides. She still held him, not wanting to let go right away.

"I never knew I was that alluring", she laughed, snuggling into him.

"god only knows", he breathed, kissing her hair. He could feel her smile against his chest as he said it, knowing he'd given her a little relief if only for a short while.

"_Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety: other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies,"_ he whispered, running his fingers through her damp hair.

"Shakespeare", she stated, smiling at his choice of words. She was feeling sleepy, the heat of the room adding to her drowsiness.

"yes, I felt it was appropriate, a little risky but appropriate", he laughed gently.

"joseph?", she whispered, pulling his arms tighter around herself.

"hmmm", he answered sleepily.

"I love you", she murmured, " you've always been there".

"I always will be".

_Please R&R, hope you enjoyed!_

_Yours,_

_M_


	14. chapter 14

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. ENJOY! And thanks for all the wonderful reviews ! Ferrari does not belong to me._

Joseph pushed his way through the small crowd huddled at the top of the cliff , hoping to god no one knew who occupied the Ferrari. it was lying overturned on the steep embankment, glass lay strewn on the rain soaked road. Ambulances, police and firemen where everywhere. The rain poured down, soaking Joseph as he flashed his badge at the policeman who nodded mutely, lifting up the police tape for him.

A man walked towards him. He was burly looking, with a thick neck and yellowy skin. Joseph recognised him immediately as the chief of police.

"Martin?", he said urgently, " how is he?". martin looked down at the road and shook his head sadly.

"we won't be able to save him, Joseph…….. he's going to die", Martin whispered. Joseph took in a sharp breath, feeling dizzy.

"can I see him?", Joe choked, motioning towards the car wreck on the embankment. Martin looked at him for a moment.

"it's bad Joe. His body guard was thrown out of the car as it plummeted, it's not an attractive sight", he warned.

"I don't care", Joe said flatly, knowing he needed to speak to Philippe.

"does the queen know?", Martin questioned, looking Joe in the eye. Joseph shook his head silently, willing the tears to go away.

"here", martin said, handing him a harness, " tell him what he needs to know", he added knowingly.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

When Joseph reached the bottom, he couldn't help but cringe at the sight. Blood surrounded the upturned car and the rocks piled on top of it. As he climbed under the wreck, blood covered his hands and face, making him feel sick. Philippe was lying upside down, head hanging back, blood covering his face, his hand and trickling from the corner of his mouth. He turned his head slightly when he heard Joseph clawing at the soggy dirt to pull himself forward.

"Philippe", he chocked as he reached the young man.

"Joe?", he questioned weekly, straining his blood veiled eyes, " Joe". Philippe smiled sadly, already knowing his own fate. Joe smiled reassuringly at him and reaching into the shattered window, groped for his hands. Philippe's eyes fluttered closed, the graceful smile still playing at his face.

"stay with me", Joseph urged, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Philippe forced his eyes open.

"good, my boy", Joseph smiled, cringing as the car shuddered and philippe cried in pain.

"tell Mama I'm sorry and I love her", he whispered, trying to move himself into a more comfortable position. Joseph nodded, too afraid that if he spoke he'd make it worse.

"promise me you'll look after her Joe, promise me", Philippe begged, squeezing Joe's hand with all the strength he could muster, " and I don't want her to see me like this, please tell me she doesn't know".

"she doesn't, I only got the phone call 10 minutes ago", Joseph tried, choking on his words again.

"come on Joe", Philippe smiled, " the man that taught me how to be a man never cried". Joseph laughed faintly.

"and Mia, make sure Mia knows who she is", Philippe said weakly, his voice becoming raspy. Joseph gripped his hand tighter, knowing that this was his last few minutes.

"I don't want to die, it's such a lonely thing to do", Philippe croaked, his breath catching in his chest.

"don't worry, I'm with you", Joseph whispered, pulling himself nearer the young prince.

"thank you, Joseph", he coughed slowly, " make sure you stay". his breath rattled in his throat, as his eyes rolled back into his head and closed.

"please", Joseph begged, " don't Philippe". tears streamed down his dust covered face. He couldn't remember ever feeling like this, or crying like this. He had lost the only close thing he'd ever had to a son. Another type of fear was coursing through him, he'd have to tell her and god he hoped no one had told her first.

Rubbing his face ferociously, he squeezed out and Jumped to his feet, leaving the prince behind- his main concern that he was the one to tell her. He clambered back up the embankment, slipping on the mud as it coated his hands thickly. The rain was pouring now, the sky looking treacherously dark as lightning slithered through the black clouds.

Martin greeted him at the top. Joseph shook his head slowly as martin looked at him questioningly. Joseph motioned towards his security team waiting impatiently at the cars.

"my men will deal with this, I need to return to the palace", he said in a monotone voice, " make sure no press get in, is that clear?". Martin nodded sadly as Joseph turned his back on him and headed towards the car parked on the edge of the embankment.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse looked out of the windows as the rain splattered off the glass, making for a pretty miserable day. She had ensconced herself in her office and was surprised when charlotte hadn't turned up after lunch with her afternoon schedule. To be truthful, she was tired and partially glad that charlotte had cleared her hectic diary - or so she thought.

She picked up her book from her bed side table and kicking off her shoes, curled up on the window seat and began to read.

She'd lost track of time when she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Sighing, she put down her book and made her way to the door.

" Jesus, Joseph!", she exclaimed, a puzzled expression playing at her face. He looked terrible. His hands were covered in dirt and blood and he was soaking through. He was shaking and his face was blanketed in grief as he pushed past her, into the room.

"Clarisse……… I'm so sorry", he whispered before she could even speak, " Philippe, he was in an accident". Clarisse clapped her hands to her mouth, covering the small scream that escaped her lips.

"he's gone Clarisse, he's gone", Joseph cried, sitting down and burying his head in his hands as tears streamed down his face. He didn't know how to tell her, but he had to and he'd done it. He felt sick, his stomach constantly churning.

"no", she choked, kneeling down next to him, " there must be some mistake - he couldn't……..". Joseph looked her in the eye, and gripping the side of her face with his hands, touched their foreheads together.

"god Clarisse, I'm so sorry" , he whispered.

"No!", she screamed, " No, he can't be. Please Joseph not my baby, not my little boy! I can't - no Joseph, please tell me it's not true"

"Clarisse, please he died peacefully, I was with him", he begged, " he wanted you to know he loved you and Mia, he wants Mia to know".

"why didn't you tell me?", she questioned weekly, the tears now tricking down her raw face.

"Clarisse, I found out 20 minutes ago…… and philippe didn't want you to see him like that. Please believe me Clarisse, it's better off you didn't", Joseph answered.

"I believe you", she said throatily, as she clung to his shirt, " oh Joseph……. my little boy", she cried suddenly. His harsh words registering and hitting her with ferocious force.

She could smell the blood as she clung to him as if he was a lifeline - she wasn't sure if this was real or if she could take anymore. Violent sobs now racked through her body and all she wanted was to shut the world out.

_I was crying writing this!_

_Please R&R._

_Yours,_

_M _


	15. Chapter 15

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Thanks for your lovely reviews, they made writing that last chapter a hell of a lot easier and I'm sorry if I made y'all cry. You're such a cool crew! Lol._

A month later, as Clarisse boarded Genovia 1 to san Francisco, she felt sick. Her son was dead, buried under dank earth and yet all she could do was go to get his daughter, instead of doing what any normal mother would do - grieve for her son. Instead she appeared her usual self, untouched by her baby's death, unaffected by the horrible press coverage she'd been getting. Damn parliament, damn the monarchy - all she wanted to do was disappear and she knew that if it hadn't been for Joseph - she probably would have.

She hadn't seen Amelia for 15 years, how was she going to deal with this. The apprehension was building up so quickly, she felt the need to scream. The sleeping pills, the Prozac, the narcotics that the physician had prescribed pumped their way roughly through her body. Making her feel as if her feet would never touch the ground. She could still smell his blood on Joseph every time she struggled to breath fresh air, see his cold body lying on the metal table. That wasn't her son, that had never been her son. Her son had been bubbly, energetic, young. He did not deserve to be dead - but he was and how much it tortured her.

O0o0o0o0o0o

Joseph watched as she sat down on one of the leather seats after she pulled back the privacy screen, her black dress clinging to her notably thinner frame. Her face was gaunt and pale and he knew whatever the doctor had given her wasn't working. It felt strange to be in such a close, private proximity and not having her even dare to steal an adoring glance at him.

Clarisse knew he was watching her and god all she wanted to do was drive herself into his arms and never leave but decorum, primness and honour would cease letting her ever do that. She risked a glance at him, wishing he would come and wrap his arms around her and reassure her in only the way he could.

Everything had always been like this, complicated, difficult, heart braking. She refused to break under the strain of what she had put herself through. She felt numb, her ability to feel emotion slowly draining from her.

The people who busied themselves around her, catering for her mundane whims and needs seemed immaterial to her now. She demanded little of them, if nothing at all.

Joseph knew Clarisse was slowly losing grip on a will to live that had never quite existed, he only prayed that meeting Amelia would bring her back, back to him. When was the last time they had spoken abut things other than security? She had excommunicated herself from him in a bid to stop feeling anything. She was becoming so unbelievably erratic, not drinking, not eating, not sleeping.

"Joseph…", she suddenly whispered. He lifted his head quickly, responding to her hollow whisper from the back of the plane where he was seated. He smiled at her gently, studying her face intently. Her eyes were eerily empty, startling him. Her red lipstick along with her white skin made her look utterly morbid.

"your majesty?", he questioned, standing up before he lost his chance to help her in what ever way he could.

"please Joseph…..", she emitted weakly, looking at the empty seat beside her, "I need-". she faltered, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap. He took her invitation greatly, and sitting down he reached over to her .She hesitated for a moment as he offered his hand, but she knew she needed his soothing touch, his bewilderingly relaxing contact.

"what do you need?", he questioned lovingly, not braking eye contact.

"I just want you beside me", she admitted timidly. He smiled understandingly.

"I always will be beside you, Clarisse", he whispered.

"don't you get tired, Joseph? Tired of me", she questioned insecurely.

"no", he said quickly in a desperate attempt to cast her fears aside.

They sat in a painful silence for a long while, his warm hand wrapped tightly round her cold one their only means of communication.

"god, Joseph I feel empty", she said. Her voice was raspy and dark, " I'm sorry for being distant with you, but how can I -". she trailed off, tears spilling down her face.

Joseph couldn't watch her like this anymore and not pull her into his arms. Not caring who was watching, he gently guided her into his arms. She accepted his gesture with little reluctance.

"oh Joseph", she sobbed gently, "I'm not coping with this".

"Clarisse, how can you expect to cope. You've just lost your son, stop beating yourself up. It's understandable", he whispered, running his fingers through her hair. The simple gesture made her feel weak, his words making her feel more secure.

"I've never felt so out of control", she mumbled, gripping him tighter. He knew that this was helping her, and he was sure that if she hadn't done this - she might have not been able to cope at all.

He just sat, mumbling comforting sounds in her ear a she cried painfully - letting go just for a while. She raised her tear stained, sticky face to look at him. She traced her fingers gently over his features, taking in his peacefulness that seemed to calm her.

"thank you", she whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Clarisse….", he smiled, " there's no need. I love you". her lips gently curled into what he hoped was a smile.

"I love you", she whispered, kissing his cheek, his forehead, his brow. Joseph nodded mutely. He risked a lean forward, brushing his lips against hers in a burning but almost imperceptible kiss. She slumped against him and tilted her lips towards him, suddenly feeling an old part of herself coming back. Her body felt deftly alive as it once had, seemingly so long ago. His mouth on hers felt like oxygen, something she couldn't believe she deprived herself of for over a month.

Joseph felt hazy as he felt her come alive in his arms, her body reacting to him. He didn't realise how much she needed him. She had always seemed so independent, so self assured.

"Joseph…..", she whispered, pulling back. She felt as if she needed to say something, then realising words weren't important, contented herself by staring into his wonderful eyes.

"shhh", he said softly, guiding her head towards his shoulder. She rested gratefully, suddenly feeling exhausted. Her weeks of endless insomnia finally catching up on her.

"forgive me", she whispered, " if I fall asleep on you". her eyes closed gently, sleep invading her body. He smiled for the first time in weeks as she fell asleep, her head resting on his shoulder. He knew it wasn't alright right away, he knew it would take a long time to get the old Clarisse back and even then, it wouldn't be the same.

_Ohhhh, hope you liked. Now we're going to meet Mia!_

_Please R&R._

_Yours,_

_M_


	16. Chapter 16

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Aserene, I must say, you're enthusiasm is infectious!_

Clarisse wasted no time when she got to the consulate. Joseph witnessed her phenomenal change, along with charlotte and the other staff. He knew part of it was an act but part of it was her learning to deal with things, not bottle them up.

She phoned Helen as soon as she arrived, speaking light heartedly and richly down the phone. Apart from Joseph, everyone around her seemed utterly oblivious to the pain that laced her sing- song, rich voice.

"she says she'll tell her to 'swing by' tomorrow", Clarisse said disapprovingly towards Joseph. He laughed a little, glad she'd decided to be a little light about a drastic situation.

"god", she exclaimed, more to him than charlotte who was standing in the corner, " I can't believe how hungry I am!". she stood up, and drawing the jacket of her black suit together, patted away invisible wrinkles.

"well could I suggest you eat out, your Majesty. The kitchens are in a bit of a mess as you can imagine", Joseph smiled.

"hmm, yes if I must", she answered absently, and then dropping her voice, " come on Joseph, I don't want to be in here, take me away from here".

he acted swiftly, understanding that people swamping her with problems about gardens, kitchens, balls and princess lessons was not what she needed.

"of course, your Majesty", he smiled, motioning towards the door. She smiled gratefully, relief making its way across her face.

"do I have to eat on my own?", she questioned, tilting her head to the side.

"no", he laughed, "I'll buy".

Charlotte admired his resilliance, her majesty was hard work but she had suddenly changed. She noted how relaxed the Queen was around him, how differnet she became. It made her question their relationship, even if there is any, she reminded herself, returning to her elctronic organiser.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

As Clarisse sat in the back of the limo with Joseph she felt totally comfortable. She lay her head in his lap, him stroking her hair tenderly as the limo snaked its way ungracefully up the steep hills. He had been the one to raise the subject of Philippe and she had gladly accepted his conversation, feeling talking about her son was something that she needed to do.

In the drivers seat, shades wasn't sure if his ears were deceiving him but he was sure he could hear peals of laughter and snippets of conversation.

"the……stuck…..pea……Pierre's….. nose", he heard the queen laugh. Joseph's laughter carried through the limo, causing shades to looked at a puzzled Antoine in the passenger seat. Joe was defiantly one to bring out her best side he eventually figured, going through a red light as he amused himself at their conversation.

* * *

"I don't really get recognised here", Clarisse noted, as she sipped her tea. The fact that no one had asked her to sign an autograph or pose for a picture was very refreshing. 

"no, but isn't it a relief?", he questioned innocent confusion playing at his face.

"oh yes", she answered, nodding her head vigorously, " It feels good". he smiled at her endearingly and he was startled as she reached her hand across the table, clasping their fingers together discreetly.

"Joseph", she swallowed, " I don't know what I'd do without you".

"you'll never have to know, you'll never get rid of me", he warned lightly, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"thank you so much for today, I don't know if I could have took it much more without exploding", she smiled.

"no, no exploding. If you need to talk- talk to me Clarisse, that's all I ask of you. Ok?", he said firmly. She couldn't help but be touched at his utter concern, she nodded quietly.

"I don't want to forget him Joseph, god that's the last thing I want to do but I can't live like this - I know he wouldn't want me to and I can't bare to, and I can't cope with being so stand-offish with you, it hurts too much", she said honestly, staring at him intently.

"you'll never forget him", joseph smiled, gripping her hand a little tighter, " and it's not wrong to cry or to miss him. But no more auto pilot, no more force-functioning, it's not good and it's not healthy".

"thank you, joseph", she smiled, twisting his hand and lifting it to her lips. He smiled at her simple gesture, her illustrating that the self assured Clarisse was starting to resurface.

"come on", she said, standing up, " thank you for dinner Joseph, I've never tasted a better pizza". he laughed at her teasing and leaving the tip on the table, offered her his arm. She leaned over and kissed his cheek affectionately as she took his arm, whispering another "thank you" in his ear.

As they stepped outside, Joseph ordered Antoine and Shades to go back to the consulate, he wanted it to be her and him alone, in a hopeful bid that she'd be able to forget for a little while.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

As they slipped out of the picture house into the sticky rain and humid air, Joseph was overcome by the moment. He pulled her into his arms on the deserted street and kissed her mercilessly.

The rain soaked them as they wandered back to the consulate which was only a few blocks away - both of them secretly wishing it was more than just a few blocks. They seemed oblivious to the rain, to the musical thunder, to the hot, dusty scent that hung to the evening air. It was the first time in months Clarisse had felt alive and not felt guilty at the same time. Joseph had alleviated her of that, and god how she loved him. She stopped him in the street and turned to face him, her eyes dancing with an unusual glee.

"I missed you", she whispered, kissing the side of his mouth, " don't let me ever do that to you again". he couldn't answer. The world was immaterial now, all he could see was her, the beautiful blue sparkle that had returned to her eyes. He could only feel her near him, he could only hear her voice, her unsteady breathing was the only thing he could feel against his skin and everything felt heavenly.

"Clarisse….", he murmured, cupping her cheek in his hands and kissing her devouringly on the mouth, "never, ever again".

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

He kissed her shoulder as he peeled the wet blouse that was clinging to her skin, gently unzipping her skirt.

"have a bath", he whispered, " and I'll get you some tea". she smiled gratefully and she took the hand he offered, gripping it tightly, stepped into the bath. She sunk into the warm water, smiling as she did so. As much as her evening had been fun, she was dreadfully tired. The sense of freedom that was coursing through her was good, but exhausting. She couldn't ever recall having a bath this late at night, but it relaxed her - something she desperately needed. She slid further under the water, closing her eyes as she submerged herself, feeling much better in the warm water than the clingy rain. She lifted herself up and running her fingers through her hair, peeled it way from her face.

She noticed his silhouette, partly submerged in the dim light of the room as he walked over to her.

"here", he smiled, handing her a cup of tea, " I couldn't find the tea bags, sorry it took so long".

"hhmm, did it?", she questioned dreamily, taking it from him and sipping the warm liquid, " I wasn't counting".

"ah, ha", he smiled, moving to the back of her and sitting himself on the edge of the gigantic, marble bath while he rolled up his sleeves. She felt his hand come to rest on her shoulder, his touch making her shiver. He gently massaged her shoulder, caressing her to sleep. Her head fell forward and she groaned as his hands worked there way up her neck, lovingly tugging at her hair line.

"I'm falling asleep", she mumbled, falling against him.

"good", he whispered, not stopping his gentle attack on her shoulders. She smiled lazily up at him as she half opened her eyes.

"bed?", he questioned, not leaving his position but reaching for the towel on the heated rack.

"hmmm", she answered slowly. Still holding her back, he moved around her. Gently supporting her neck, he slipped one arm into the water and under her knees as he lifted her effortlessly from the water. She sighed as her arms came to snake around his neck, gently rubbing the nape ofit with her fingers.

"joseph…..?" she mumbled, now practically sleeping as he lay her gently down on the soft sheets of her bed, drying her gently with the towel.

"stay with me…..", she trailed off, reaching for his hand which was rubbing her stomach gently, preventing him softly. She gripped it a little, turning her face to meet his.

"of course", he confirmed, chucking the towel on her bed side chair and slipping a silk night gown over head.

"thank you", she whispered, a watery smile playing at her lips. He simply smiled as he removed his clothes, stripped down and climbed in next to her. His hand came to rest on her hip assuredly, pulling her closer to him. He reached over beside her and turned out the light.

"I love you, Joseph", she whispered, barely inaudible into the dark room. It would have been inaudible to anyone else that was to hear it, but to him, to him it sounded like the most beautiful music on earth.

_Aaahhh, thank you for you're last reviews, they where very kind._

_I hope you enjoyed this one!_

_Yours,_

_M_


	17. Chapter 17

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. I know Julie Andrews isn't remarkably thin in princess diaries one, she isn't overly fat either , she's kind of built like Julie Andrews !- just imagine she is like really thin, artistic licence and all 8-). Is it just me, or did anyone notice that when Clarisse first meets Mia, she crosses her legs! P.S. Pokimon, I love writing first, homework second! Lol_

As Clarisse made her way down stairs, she couldn't help but let the sense of foreboding build up in her stomach. She stopped in the deserted hallway, and standing in front of the full length mirror, looked herself over. Her black dress clung loosely off her body, making her even more aware of the fact she'd lost a lot of weight- _not from my chest, _she noted wryly. She had been eating again, a pizza with Joseph, ice-cream at the movies and an extremely large breakfast this morning. She had always been a bad eater, Rupert had often commented about her weight, and she had took the bate when she was younger but now she understood as an older woman that he only done it to make her insecure - he'd managed it.

"she'll be with you in a moment", Clarisse heard Charlotte say as she stepped onto the landing, grasping a first glance at her granddaughter. She swallowed, clearly taking in the similarities between her and her father. She had unruly hair, much like his and she stood awkwardly, much like he had. She was gawky looking and Clarisse knew right away she needed a lot of work, _introductions first_, she though. She mentally prepared herself, straightening up, adding a few centimetres to her height as she brushed a few invisible creases from her dress.

"I don't need a moment", she announced regally in a sing song voice from the middle of the stairs, " I'm here".

Mia watched as the woman she could only assume was her grandmother glided downstairs. She was elegant, so much so Mia felt a little embarrassed. Every one on the room suddenly stood up, and she couldn't do anything but go along.

"Amelia I'm so glad you could come", Clarisse smiled, walking towards the young girl.

"hi, you've a great place", Mia answered lamely, looking at the obnoxiously grand surroundings. Clarisse could not take her eyes off her, the resemblance was painfully uncanny.

" thank you," Clarisse smiled, " let me look at you". Mia obliged slipping the glasses off that veiled her face. She watched as the older woman's glittery smile turned into an almost imperceptible frown.

"you look so young", Clarisse said awkwardly, not wanting to hurt the young girl, but she realised she immediately had. It wasn't meant to come out that way, and she mentally kicked herself for her quaintness.

"and you look….", Mia said, then as Clarisse arched an eye brow, Mia felt perceptibly stupid, " clean", she finished. Clarisse frowned again, _clean_? She had been called, beautiful, elegant, curvy but never _clean! _she couldn't help but smile at Amelia's awkwardness, it was odd but charming.

"charlotte?", she said, a laugh lacing her light voice, " could you check tea in the garden?". charlotte nodded slightly and turned on her shiny black heels, making for the garden.

"please sit?", she addressed Mia and the staff, motioning to the love seat next to her. Mia sat down, clicking her teeth together and looking awkwardly around her for a moment. Clarisse sat down, and crossing her legs, rested her hand in her chin and began to study the girl closely.

"sooo….. My mum said you wanted to talk to me about something, Shoot", Mia said, sounding more than bored. Clarisse looked at her, confused for a moment, and then grasped what Amelia meant.

"ahh, before I shoot", Clarisse said, killing the slang with her perfect diction, " I have something I'd like to give you". she slid forward a little on her chair and lifted the ornate trinket box on the table and handed to Amelia.

"it's the Genovian crest, it was mine when I was a girl", Clarisse smiled, her smile seeming evidently more real. Amelia grinned, lifting the heart shaped locket from the box and dropping the heirloom roughly in the process of trying to get the necklace on.

"ah, and that was my great grandmother's", Clarisse grimaced, playing agitatedly with her hair as the box clanked off the marble flooring. Mia looked up, feeling more than stupid by this point.

"I will take good care of it", Mia lied, brandishing the box in a vice like grip.

Clarisse sighed, the child was defiantly going to be hard work. It brought back memories of another child, her child, her baby.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0000o0o0o0o0o

Joseph watched as she jumped out of her seat in shock, that was defiantly the first time he'd ever heard anyone tell Clarisse to "shut up!".

"well, that went well", Clarisse moaned at Joseph as she watched the diminishing figure of her only granddaughter run out the door. Joseph smiled slightly as he stepped towards her, shaking his head.

"ah, perhaps she needs more time", he suggested.

"will you help me", she questioned agitatedly, waving her hands in the air, illustrating her already apparent annoyance.

"with what?".

"watch her!", she snapped, causing him to frown. "I'm sorry, it's just at the moment this is the last thing I need!", she said quietly, massaging her brow.

"I'm your Head of security and you want me to be a chauffer and a baby sitter?", he asked in teasing amusement.

" for the time being, yes", she said curtly, clearly not as amused as him, " the child needs protection!".

"of course I will", he said simply. She smiled apologetically, as she slumped a little.

"I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea", she deflated, motioning him to walk with her. He joined her, catching up confidently with her step instead of walking his usual, secure, three steps behind.

"I don't know her, but if she's anything like her father, or her grand mother for that matter………", he smiled reassuringly. She smiled a watery smile, amused at his kindness.

"I had a wonderful time yesterday evening", she said quietly, looking for a lighter subject, making sure she was out of ear shot of the people in the garden. She smiled lovingly at him, suddenly showing a part of his wonderful Clarisse.

"I'm glad you did, as did I", he answered more interested in what she had to say than what he had to answer. She looked radiant as the late evening sun turned into zingy orange behind her. Her eyes sparkled at him as her perfect mouth curled into a delicate smile.

"you're smiling", Joseph whispered, emotion clinging to his gravely voice.

"I know, and it feels good".

_Hope you liked this one, it was boring to write because we all know what happened in this part but it was necessary._

_Please R&R and thanks for all your touching reviews for the last chap._

_Yours,_

_M _


	18. Chapter 18

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. I've changed this scene slightly so it reads better. Trust me Pokimon, I've seen it a lot more than thirty times! Lol, I plan to add little in betweens instead of doing Movie stuff, because all of us have watched it, probably obsessively. 8-) thanks for all your reviews, you made it much easier to write parts I know inside out._

As Joseph moved her around the dance floor, Clarisse was sure she had stopped breathing. The music swirled around the room, floating in and out of her ears and guiding her across the dance floor. His words lingered softly in her head, " you've been wearing black too long". she hadn't been able to answer, frightened she might not be able too without crying.

His hand made gentle circles on her back as she danced, wrapped in his arms. The music was distantly beautiful, his breathing seeming just as loud in her ear and soft on her neck. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his, the way they seemed to talk to her was romantically compelling.

Joseph held her close, so close her perfume engulfed him - making him feel heady. Everything about her was intoxicating that he hardly noticed he was dancing, he felt as if he was floating. Her close proximity made him giddy, but in a good way. He was frightened he'd stopped breathing and side stepped into some parallel moment. He was so lost, he didn't realise the music had stopped, he soon did.

She smiled as he paused in the middle of the dance floor. The music had disappeared and she felt as if she was drowning in his oceanic eyes. She didn't speak, not quite trusting her voice yet. He smiled back, his eyes dancing with love. His lips descended on hers in a gentle kiss. She startled a moment, physical emotion something she had never quite got used to or trusted, even with him. But she surprised herself, giving into his encouragement and kisses.

She pulled away, her breathing a little uneven and rested her forehead against his, the only sound was their breathing in the echoing room and she was sure she could hear her own heart beating.

"I couldn't resist", he whispered throatily as he held onto her waist, " when it comes to you, I have little willpower".

"oh", she smiled, " perhaps we should walk, or drive. I don't wish to stand in this rather strange position forever, talking like this forever".

"we will be talking forever?", he questioned, letting go of her a little reluctantly.

"I do hope so".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"you look wonderful", he smiled. She swayed out of her room, a pink suit clinging to her curves - immediately brightening her up.

"thank you", she whispered, taking his hand discreetly and squeezing his fingers, " I often dress up to do damage control". he laughed at her dry comment, kissing her on the nose as he motioned towards the limo.

"ahhh, it will be ok. I promise", he said softly.

"I wish she'd just accept it, it would make a damn sight more easier", Clarisse moaned, slipping on her sunglasses.

"would you accept that at 15 years old?", he questioned, then reminded himself to bang his head off a wall for his sheer stupidity and harshness.

"I had to", she said shortly.

"Clarisse-", he tried, but she cut him off sharply.

"it's fine Joseph. Just drive".

"I -", he tried again.

"just stop", she suddenly screamed, " I can't do this anymore!"

"you cant do what?", he asked heatedly, slamming the car door.

"nothing!", she said harshly, " just drive".

Clarisse sighed audibly as she registered the press gathering out side Grove high school, waiting for her. She could hear their incessant buzzing, their cameras clicking as they registered the presence of the Genovian branded limo pulling up. She took in a copious amount of air, sticking out her chest and straightened herself up - this she hadn't expected. Nor had she expected to be married off at 15 to the highest bidder for the prettiest virgin in Genovia - it sounded harsh but it was what it was and that she could not conceal.

Clarisse couldn't help feeling suddenly scared. This helplessness in general reminded her of her late husband, of how he used to get drunk - how he used to hurt her at least once a month. It was like torment - the waiting, the screaming, the clawing at utter helplessness. The queasy feeling still existed and she knew she couldn't just make everything ok. She could still often feel his hands on her, his breath on her neck - still hear his voice slowly chipping away at her once flamboyant character. She had only been 15 when it began, 27 when she admitted to Joseph and then it got worse - much worse. She was finding it harder to cope as each day went by, Amelia only serving to remind her of her son - of his painful absence, the presence of Joseph only serving to remind her of her love for him and how she would never be able to show it. Everything around her was closing in on her, making her claustrophobic and she needed to escape - just for one day. Swallowing hard, preventing the tears - she studied his reflection gazing steadily at her in the mirror. She showed no emotion - preferring to be cold when she felt most helpless - this was one of those points.

Mia slumped down in the chair, biting at her finger nails.

"listen Amelia", Clarisse smiled falsely, " it's not your fault, it was that monstrous Paolo - don't worry".

"yes, Amelia", Joseph smiled " Cla - your grandmother's right and I shall deal with him severely".

"yes", Clarisse confirmed, her dry toned aimed at an apologetic Joseph, " I have to go now, Joseph will look after you".

"but I have to drive you", he said, glaring at her, " you cannot go without me".

"I will be fine, Joseph!", she said hotly, " escort Amelia - I shall walk!". she smiled gently at Mia, and then turned burning eyes on Joseph walked out the door. He just stared at her back, confusion reigning over him. He wasn't sure what had caused her sudden change of personality - of course he had an idea.

She needed to escape from everything and he knew Rupert was still hanging over her - especially now she felt as if she was controlling Amelia much in the same way Rupert had tried to control his sons. He let out a sigh, and turning to Amelia gave her a rueful smile, she just shot him a perplexed look.

"come on Joe", she sighed, standing up, " I need to get some air. He smiled at that, it reminded him of her - of her escapisms. He knew it couldn't all get better right away and he'd half been expecting this, he just wished it didn't have to happen to her this way.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The rain sprinkled gently from the sky, making for a dreary afternoon. Joseph smiled as he took a shot, umbrella in one hand, basket ball in the other.

"Joe?", Mia questioned, looking up at him.

"Miss Mia?", he smiled, ceasing bouncing the ball and sitting down beside her on the soggy bench.

"what was up with grandma?", she question directly. Joe smiled a little.

"I don't know", he lied, bouncing the ball slightly.

"can I order you to tell me?", she said flatly.

"yes", he laughed, " but I don't think you would".

"no you're right", she smiled, propping the umbrella under her chin, " but she was upset".

"I know", he said regretfully, wondering where she was just now.

"I've never seen her emotional before", Mia commented, smiling slightly, " I really want to get to know her but she's just so cold, so unfeeling".

"no, she's not", Joseph corrected hotly, his eyes flaring with a little anger, " and if she comes across that way it is not her fault".

"oh", Mia said, a little cut, " who's fault is it?"

"the people who made her that way, the people who trapped her", he sighed, standing up, " we should go now". Mia looked up at him, utterly confused. Joseph clearly knew more about her grandmother than he let on and she could see pain clouding his crystalline eyes.

"don't ask again princess, it's a topic best left untouched", he resolved, motioning towards the stairs. She nodded, noticing how the pain seemed to be increasing, with every step he took - with every memory that resurfaced in his already exhausted head.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse walked along in the soft rain, sunglasses on her head, umbrella in her hand. She didn't care if they worried about her, she just needed to be free for a little while - not be confined to their monstrous cage.

She heaved the door of the café open, scanning it to see if it was still the same. It was, the tables still had glass tops and little bowls of sugar resting on the cheque cloth covers. The smell of coffee ad cakes still hung on the air - it hadn't changed, but other things most certainly had. She quietly sat down but couldn't bear being there - it was too much. As soon as she sat down, she stood up again and rushed out the door into the murky, grey day. The tears began to stream down her face uncontrollably, making the sense of helplessness increase even more. God she missed her little boy, missed the relationships that had been thrown away by her sudden marriage, detested the years of torment she had endured for duty and now, now she could hardly breath without smelling Philippe's blood or sleep without Rupert invading her dreams, could hardly look at her beloved Joseph without feeling a stab of guilt.

It was raining heavy now, soaking through her suit even with the umbrella propped above her. The thunder crashed, creating white noise in her ears - making coherent thought impossible. She knew she had to return, return to the prying media, to the endless aristocracy that enslaved her endlessly.

Tears still streaming down her face, she flagged down a taxi with an elegantly gloved hand and fumbled with the door weakly. As she slid into the mouldy smelling car, she couldn't drown out the rushing in her ears.

The taxi driver studied her in the mirror, his face showing a little concern for the woman who's clearly been crying.

"hey, lady. You all right?", he questioned, cracking his well chewed gum at intervals.

"yes", she whispered meekly, avoiding looking at him with her puffy eyes, " the Genovian consulate please". he smiled slightly, a questioning look on his face.

"don't I know you from somewhere?", he questioned, turning up the hill to the consulate. She looked away from the window, tears still streaming down her face. She didn't care if he knew her, in fact that all seemed immaterial.

"no, I'm obsolete", she lied, wiping the tears with the cuff of her black coat.

"right", he said, unconvinced, " well we're here", he continued, stopping outside the consulate.

"thank you", she smiled, fumbling in her handbag. She grasped the first bill she could find - $100.

"keep the change", she said mildly, swinging her legs over the car. He chocked when he seen it, deciding it was a lucky day he made up not to argue, instead he watched her run through the open gates to the main door. A man stood in the entrance, he was dressed completely in black and his head was bald. His eyes danced angrily but his face seemed to be pasted with relief. She stopped in front of him, her eyes begging him somewhat - as if for some forgiveness. He smiled gently, and took her in his arms, stroking his hands through her wet hair. She clung to him as if he was going to disappear into thin air, her head pressed tightly to his chest. The taxi driver smiled to himself, he liked to see couples make it through and from the looks on both their faces - this couple had had a rough time.

_What do you think, please R&R._

_I'm not sure if I should end it here, what do you think - let me know._

_Yours,_

_M_


	19. Chapter 19

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Don't worry, I'm not going to end and I wasn't getting bored, I just though it maybe seemed like an ending, Lol and wondered if it'd be any good. Artistic licence with age._

_**NOTE** I changed the time scale of the movies, so Mia gets found out at school the same day as the baker beach bash._

As she stood in front of him, shivering and soaked through he felt immense relief fire through him. Her eyes were empty but begging all the same, he said nothing - he just took her in his arms.

"you shouldn't do that to me", he sighed, trying to pull her inside from the rain.

"I know", she whispered, holding onto him tightly.

"tell me what's wrong", he almost demanded, but softly.

"everything's wrong", she said desperately, her eyes coming slightly to life, " I miss Philippe, I can't bring myself to know Mia and I'm still scared he's going to walk in the door and hurt me!"

"he can't hurt you anymore", Joseph implored harshly, his emotion showing clearly.

"I know, I know", she whined, " but I still get scared Joseph, I'm so afraid".

"why?", he tried again, frustration clearly illustrated on his usually calm face. He'd never felt so frustrated in all his life, god! If he could just figure out.

"because", she continued, " I don't know how to explain it. All of this is so new, him not being here to hurt me, Philippe being dead, trying to get to know Mia - it's not what I'm used to! Can't you see that? I've never been so out of it, so out of control!" she was shivering uncontrollably as she stood in front of him, gripping him like dear life.

"come on", he sighed, pulling her in the door. He was glad for the mercifully deserted consulate. Everyone was busy doing other things, leaving him with the slight hope he might be able to get her up stairs and into her chambers without being noticed.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

He waited quietly on the edge of her bed as she showered, wringing his hands together. He stood up, trying to release some of the stressful energy that was pent up in him and paced the dull room. It was dark outside now, and he knew the young princess would be having fun at the beach. God was he glad he'd given in and decided not to drive her, now he could help the one lady that mattered to him most. He could hear the old plumbing draining her bath water away, reassuring him that she'd be out soon.

He breathed again as she stepped out of the bathroom. Her silk pyjamas were hanging off her, unusually so. Her face was tired and blank, and she seemed not to register his presence as she entered. She smiled a little though as she stood at her dresser, registering his presence over her shoulder as she rubbed on her face cream.

"will you speak?", he questioned wearily, eying her reflection in the mirror. She looked at him for a long moment, and for once in their entire relationship Joseph could not read what she was feeling. She didn't answer but turned her attention back to the mirror, her face looking painful and disorientated.

She finished what she was doing as he sat patiently, waiting for some sort of coherent explanation. She slowly placed the tube on her dresser and taking her silk wrap from her chair and pulling it tightly around herself, came to kneel in front of him.

"I'm adjusting", she whispered, taking his hands and massaging them gently. She seemed to be returning, if only a little to what he would call the self-assured Clarisse.

"adjusting?", he questioned, squeezing her hand a little. She nodded mutely, and looked at him her eyes screwing up in adorable concentration.

"yes", she answered slowly, " yes I'm adjusting to not having my little boy, adjusting to not living in constant fear of Rupert and trying to be a queen, a ruler and a grandmother to a child I don't know what so ever at the same time". she looked at him for reassurance that he understood, she got her answer. The concentration and understanding on his face warmed her, filing her with respect and love for him.

" I think I do", he answered, after a lot of thinking, " but why don't you let me help you?".

"because", she sighed, standing up and running her fingers wearily through her hair, " because it's something I need to get used to on my own. It's not that I don't love you, god I love you more than anything and don't get me wrong, I need you but I need to learn on my own. I need, for once in my life to be on my own. I don't want to be suffocated like I have been for the last fifty years, I'm tired of that. And the medication the doctor prescribed - it's doing me no good - I'm relying on them".

"but you know -", he tried, but she silenced him, holding up a commanding but affectionate hand.

"I know Joseph, god I know you are here for me - if you weren't I wouldn't have survived these years. Just knowing you are there is my life line, but you are helping me by just letting me be here, and letting me disappear and not me be me for a few hours". he nodded quietly, understanding what she meant. Her strength shocked him, he had never looked at it that way. She hated who she was from the beginning, how must she feel now.

"I understand", he smiled, taking his hand and lifting it to his searing lips.

"of that, I'm glad", she smiled, touching his cheek, " we all have to readjust sometimes".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

He left late that evening as she settled down to watch TV., something she rarely did or rarely had the time for. He smiled gently, reassuringly as he handed her a cup of tea and her needle work.

"goodnight", she whispered, taking it gratefully from him.

"goodnight Clarisse, get some rest please", he said gently, taking her hand.

"I can't sleep", she admitted, confirming what he thought.

"I'll stay, if it will help", he suggested, sincerity toning his voice. She smiled slightly, kissing his cheek.

"yes," she said thoughtfully, " I'd be glad of your company tonight".

"I'll be back soon", he smiled, " just some things to do". she smiled again, sipping the liquid warmth from the ceramic cup.

"Lilly's show's on, you know Miss Mia's friend", Joseph continued, desperate to bring some sort of light reality to the conversation.

"oh, right", she smiled, readjusting her sitting position and pulling her needle work.

"bye", he whispered, kissing her forehead warily. He wasn't sure what she wanted and she could tell he wasn't sure how far to push her. She tilted her face up, kissing his lips softly.

"a proper kiss", she whispered, cupping his cheek. His smile was heart melting, as his hand rested on hers.

"we'll be ok", she continued, " it will take time but I promise - no more running away".

_Sorry it took so long._

_Please R&R_

_Yours,_

_M_


	20. Chapter 20

_None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot and Disney. Note: to anyone who owns Victor/ Victoria on DVD, how do you access the Blake Edwards hidden interview? Please R&R and tell me, because I was trying to find it and it isn't happening!_

_Thanks for all your reviews and I'm sorry it took so long, I got writers block and I didn't want to let you down by writing a rubbish chapter. I was also in London, so…………._

Clarisse raged through the consulate the next morning, going frantic over Mia's antics at the beach. Joseph implored her to calm down as she sat down at her desk in the library. She glared at him. God, he wanted to kill the princess for doing this to her but he had to remind himself, she was only fifteen - he made a mental note to remind Clarisse of that later on.

He stood in the shadows as Clarisse reprimanded the princess severely, which he thought she took pretty well for a fifteen year old. Clarisse could be tough, but Mia had certainly tried her patience and she was quickly losing it. She was harsh, harsher than he expected her to be, after all this girl was her granddaughter, as much as she also may have been the heir to the throne.

He had literally dragged her away from the consulate that day, help her release some steam. He often wondered if she forgot her human side he'd so often witnessed. She could be so compassionate, so loving, so fun and he wondered where that side had gone, even if everything was so hazy - he still remembered her having fun, laughing, being Clarisse - the Clarisse he missed dearly.

But little by little he could see the self assured Clarisse slowly emerging and he hoped that soon, she might just be back. She was smiling more often now, even though she was still weighed under by a tremendous amount of work and pressure. She was more light hearted now, more un reliant on drugs and narcotics and time tables and organisers to get her through the day. She was slowly reintroducing herself to him, and the relationship he'd loved so much that had taken years to build. His love for her, throughout the period were she forgot who she was, had never wavered. Actually his love had only grown and somehow, he felt that with her it was the same. He hoped, no he knew that now, they could survive anything and come out the other end, hurting but still needing each other.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"thank you", she said wearily as he handed her the cup of tea. She smiled up at him, brandishing the polystyrene cup in a leather gloved hand.

"no trouble", Joseph answered, sitting down on the bench beside her and pulling his coat tighter around him against the harsh sea breeze.

"you know", Clarisse sighed, " I didn't figure on this being so hard".

"what do you mean?", he questioned, turning to face her a little more.

"I mean-", she paused trying to piece together an answer that might just seem coherent, " I mean the whole thing of training her to be a princess, I expected everything to fall at my feet, to do as I will it and control it -as so often I do. But these past few months have proven I don't always get what I want. Does that sound selfish and conceited?"

He looked at her, studying her for a moment - taking in her worn appearance. Piecing together an answer for that could take forever - especially when it was her. Especially when she appeared so erratic, so unstable.

"no", he said slowly, " no, I think it's natural - it's nature to want everything to go right but to remember she's a child, simply trying to do what you bid of her - perhaps you are too tough on her". she looked up at him, anger flashing at his too true words - but deciding he was right backed down, knowing it was most defiantly a losing battle.

"I am aware I am tough on her but she is to be the next ruler of my country…… I have already said this", she reminded him, taking a sip of her lukewarm tea from the spongy cup and shivering.

"she is your granddaughter Clarisse, as I have already said and remember that - don't treat her like you were treated when you were her age", he said, firmly but softly.

"I'm not that monstrous", she reprimanded, " however it may seem". He laughed softly at how pan she was, even in what seemed like a dreary situation. She smiled slightly, shaking her head and turning a little red.

"no, of course you're not monstrous - just a little, how do I say this - hard on her", he laughed, taking her hand gently. She smiled as he did, a genuine smile - something that hadn't graced her features for a long while.

"I know she's young but her behaviour was a little irresponsible - even if the picture the press painted wasn't particularly accurate about her beach shenanigans", she said lightly, chucking the cup in the plastic bin next to her.

"it wasn't accurate whatsoever, and this morning was the first time you've ever took the side of the media, and you were wrong", he said calmly. She took that from him, he was the only one ever allowed to tell her she was wrong - she could have done something better, or improved her attitude in a very volatile situation.

"what do I do?", she questioned, taking him by surprise. She often took his criticism, but she never asked for his solutions - that was defiantly a different Clarisse.

"you go and apologise", he smiled, laughing at the look of disdain on her face.

"a queen never apologises", she reprimanded, smiling slightly.

" ahh, but a grandmother does, my dear".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse smoothed her ball gown over as she stood in front of the mirror. She had put on weight and for that, she was glad. She filled out the dress that had once clung off her when she had tired it a few weeks ago. Her face didn't look so drawn or so old, it wasn't the make-up, - it was feeling good that made her look young again. She felt fine for the first time in months and she supposed it showed. She felt that she could think straight, get through an hour without crying or taking pills or losing it with someone or locking herself away.

So, Mia wasn't taking the crown and she was a little disappointed but she understood. Somehow she had the niggling hope that perhaps she just might accept her title after all. She had faith in the girl, having grown to know her. In fact, she felt closer to her than she'd ever felt to anyone, spare Joseph and her sons. She had after all, suffered the humiliation of being found to have no drivers licence with her clumsy driver of a granddaughter, she'd tried her first ever corn dog, she'd witnessed Joseph suffer at the hands of Mia's horrendous dancing - and she loved her, no matter what her faults.

She had faults, natural one's that Clarisse had never been allowed to have. To Clarisse, Mia seemed human, capable of fault, capable of tremendous love and empathy. Clarisse knew, she herself was capable of them but somehow they seemed evasive. It hadn't been her generation or her class to be allowed to have faults. Queen's where never allowed to have faults but they did - just like everyone.

Clarisse had, perhaps realised just how much of herself she seen in Mia. They were both scared of what people thought of them, they were both desperate to make even the smallest difference to the world - they both loved Joe, even if it was in two different ways. They both felt invisible some times, even if Clarisse was know the world over, the real Clarisse was still invisible. Mia felt invisible, said she was invisible but Clarisse saw different and she wanted to show her granddaughter that - tell her she seen her every day and knew how she felt.

She startled a little as she was tore from her thought when someone knocked at the door. It was him, Joseph. He walked in, a little agitated but looking devastating whatever the case in his tux. She looked at his reflection in the mirror - laughing at the fact he'd not waited to be invited in.

"come in", she smiled, turning to him. His reaction was endearing but somehow, his face looked sullen.

"what do you think?", she question, twirling around in an all together flirty manner.

"beautiful", he managed, " but Clarisse, Mia's not turned up". She smiled at him, softly emitting a laugh and nodding her head knowingly.

"definitely my grand daughter", she laughed, slipping on her evening gloves, " runs away from everything that scares her".

"yes my dear, but what will we do?", he questioned, more than bemused by her serenity and calmness. He had to agree with her on that, Mia was most defiantly Clarisse's granddaughter - she had a penchant for running away. She was looking quite heavenly, something that he often looked forward to when there was any royal function. Her ball gown, a colour that really could not be named or described fitted her perfectly, accentuating every curve, clinging to her perfect skin - she really was quite beautiful. He lost himself for a moment, taking in her appearance - how the tiara and the jewels around her neck only served to make her eyes sparkle even more.

She finally, looked healthy. Colour had returned to her cheeks, clearly flushed by his obvious adoration. Her smile, growing more real and genuine and beautiful by the moment.

"would you be kind enough to go and see if she's at her house, Joseph?", she questioned, adding last minute touches too her make-up and snapping him out of his reverie.

"yes", he nodded, making his way to the door.

"Joseph!", she laughed, stopping him in his tracks, " that's after you escort me to the ball". He laughed gently and as she reached him, he couldn't resist. He grabbed her shoulders, running his hands down her arms and holding her elbows - making her shiver. She looked at him, never losing his gaze, not avoiding his eyes as she had taken to doing. Instead, her eyes danced, giving him hope - making him feel warm and content. He kissed her then, burning, searing, passionate. She closed her eyes, engulfed in his presence.

Lipstick marks were all but forgotten about.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Clarisse grinned almost childishly as her granddaughter ran up the stairs closely followed by a manic Paulo and a harassed Charlotte, leaving water marks and puddles behind her. She knew it! Mia had accepted and now, she could finally breath. She wasn't letting the family lineage down, or the family history or custom, because Mia had done what was right by both herself and everyone and Clarisse could happily function with another tremendous weight off her shoulders. Joseph smiled at the calmness on her face as he stood beside her.

"I'd say you where glad", he smiled, offering his arm to her. She laughed, gleaming at him.

"oh, I've never felt so glad in all my life", she sighed, leaning into him as they walked down the dark corridor, clutching his arm a little tighter as she yawned, contentment washing completely over her.

"Mia's speech was quite something", he commented as he swung open the door of the staff kitchen.

"oh yes!", she beamed, lifting up the overly large skirt of her dress and sitting down at the wooden table, "quite wonderful".

"celebration?", he questioned, pulling a bottle of half drunk Chianti out of the fridge and taking two glasses from the shelf. He knew she had to return to the ball as soon as Mia was ready but he figured some time alone with her was in order, just to let her celebrate her granddaughters triumph without everyone watching.

She eyed the bottle he was clutching suspiciously, grinning wickedly.

"you're being terribly charming", she teased, " but I don't know if your intentions are entirely honourable. You may be trying to get me drunk or at least _merry_". He laughed, raising an eye brow as he sat down next to her, offering her the bottle. She took it out of his hands, but didn't pour any into the glass he'd placed in front of her. She eyed him up, scrutinising him with a gleam in her eyes. He enjoyed it, that he could admit. She leaned forward, catching him a little off guard as her lips descended on his. He startled but only slightly, immediately dominating a rather heated kiss. She detached her lips momentarily, kissing the side of his mouth and pressing her cheek to his. He gripped her, raising both of them to their feet as the seat he was sitting on clanked on the floor against the stone tiles.

"thank you", she whispered, breathlessly. He smiled, his hands twisting around her waist. She kissed his neck, his face, anything she could. His hands wandered, earning moans and whispers.

He could feel himself losing control and knew he had to stop, he didn't want that, not in the kitchen. He wanted it to be right for both of them, after all, how long had it been. To long in his opinion and he knew probably in hers as well. He didn't want to make love to her here, not where he felt it would mean nothing. He stopped as his hands moved the zip of her dress, his hand slithering over her bare back. He startled her and himself with the passion of his actions.

She pulled away as she felt him resist, glad to some extent he did. He looked almost mournful though, pouting silently. His face hardened with tremendous desire and love. Breathing slightly heavier than usual as his hands tremulously wandered.

"ha", was all she could say, trying to even out her breathing and straighten up her dress. He gently turned her round, his hand gently running over the back of her dress, zipping it up.

"the maids will know it has been tampered with later on", she laughed, shaking slightly.

"they wont be undoing it later", he growled in her ear. She closed her eyes, trying to resist the urge of disappearing with him just now. It had been so long, so long without him - so long pushing him away.

" I had to stop, if you or I had went any further……….", he grinned, resting his chin on her shoulder and whispering in her ear, " not in the kitchen of all places".

"too old, Joseph?", she quipped, turning and running her had along the buttons of his shirt as she lifted the wine from the table and took a gulp. She was trying to calm herself down. She quite shocked by her actions, never had she risked being caught with him - when so easily at that moment she could have been. Charlotte, Mia, Frank, Shades, Anton….. The list was endless. She needed to cool down, relax as the headiness swirled around her.

"no", he laughed defensively, taking the wine from her hands and taking a drink, to calm his sudden nerves and passion that had taken him by surprise. She laughed, peeling, rich laughter as it echoed through the stone kitchen - music in his ears. He realised, that for the first time in nearly two years they were having more than false fun together. She was laughing at his jokes, kissing him with the passion she'd always harnessed but rarely displayed, drinking with him, holding his hand, relaxing under his scrutiny, letting him undo and do-up her dress.

"thank you", she suddenly whispered, her voice thick with emotion as she cupped his cheek, " thank you".

"don't thank me", he whispered, turning into her and kissing her palm, " no more thanking me or apologising. It's what I'm for, I'm here to take your bad temper, your wonderful sense of humour, you wrath….your love".

" I would say thank you……", she trailed laughing slightly as she kissed his cheek, " but I love you instead".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

As Joseph took Clarisse in his arms from Sebastian Motaz, she smiled at him, pressing herself more than informally against him.

"be careful, your Majesty", he smiled, " he had the same idea I had, but now the garden is occupado", he continued, motioning towards Mia and the young boy that was leading her out into the garden. She laughed.

" the garden, Joseph?", she quipped, " not much better than the kitchen".

"ha", he smiled, running his hand down her back and up again, " but much prettier".

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

They danced, a lot longer, a lot more intimately than they intended with each other. Mia and her friends were beginning to get restless, Mia asking Clarisse if she could change the music. Clarisse finally gave in, - definitely not the most conventional of independence day balls. She could understand her granddaughter and was really so jubilant, she didn't want or care to argue. It was settled, everything was fine and that relieved her tremendously. She could help Mia become the queen she was capable of being - with the help of Joseph and the wonderful people around her.

However, Clarisse was in fact glad for Mia's restlessness. She was tired, no, exhausted in fact. Her head felt heavy and the weight of the silk encasing her body made her bones ache. She wanted nothing more than to get her dress off and put whatever pyjamas the maids had left out for her on. The make-up on her face was beginning to feel grimy and she couldn't wait to remove it. She couldn't wait to curl up in bed - hopefully with Joseph. She smiled wickedly at how she was acting - like a school girl caught at something she shouldn't be doing.

She leaned slightly into him closing her eyes a little. He could feel her growing tired in his arms, and he smiled as she tried to mask a yawn with an elegantly gloved hand. This was the last dance and he was glad because he could feel how tired she was.

"you're tired", he stated gently, not missing a step in the intricate waltz they were performing.

"yes, but not to tired", she smiled suggestively, her eyes dancing with delight. He couldn't help but grin. She was so happy, so care free and it made him feel wonderful. He knew this was the Clarisse that had disappeared soon after he'd met her, after she endured Rupert's' torture for the first time. He was so grateful to Mia for taking the crown, for easing her of another worry. It was going to be good, he could tell now. Hopefully no more times where he had to convince her she was worthy of anything but to suffer.

"we should maybe make an exit", he smiled, guiding them over to the edge of the dance floor nearest the main doors as Mia's music started to reverberate round the room. They dropped the pretence of dancing, instead making nonchalantly for the doors. He Walking close beside each other. Joseph, using his clout and authority not for the first time to aid their relationship waved away the butler and the guards sitting at the security desk. They nodded slightly, quickly obliging to make their way to the staff quarters. Joseph, however did not join them.

He stayed with her, as he always had for years and as he always intended to. He made love to her, until the early hours of the morning graced them.

It wasn't until the sun crept into her room, sneaking its way through the drapes and under the doors that he felt content. He felt sure that as she lay, blissfully sleeping in his sturdy arms that he could always help her.

She stirred, trying aimlessly to bury her head in his chest as the sun disturbed her slumber. A moan and a sigh later she opened her eyes, looking up at him as her eyes met his.

"hello", he growled, tightening his grip on her.

"mhmm", she mumbled in response, not quite awake yet.

"sleepy", he whispered, sliding down further into the silk sheets that were sticking to their clammy bodies.

"yes", she smiled, moving herself up a little to rest her head just below his chin, running her hand gently up and down his chest in contentment. She kissed his neck and then rolling half of him, her leg still resting over his lower body propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him more intently. She smiled slightly as she reached to rub the lipstick mark that had managed to get behind his ear somehow.

"lipstick", she stated, kissing where her rubbing had made his skin red and irritated.

"yours, of course", he laughed, turning on his side and pulling her to rest with him.

"definitely mines", she smiled, obliging to his gentle command to change her position.

"good, I'm glad", he smiled, brushing a stray lock or hair that had wandered from her normally perfect hair-do. She smiled lovingly at him, looking suddenly emotional.

"I love you, you know".

"I know".

She had always know, so had he. But they were learning now to know it without avoiding it, or disregarding it. To Clarisse, he was everything. He was what made her feel human and that was something she could never lose.

_Finished! Yeah, yeah! Again, I'm so sorry it took so long, thanks for being so patient and for all your wonderful reviews._

_Yours,_

_M_


End file.
